<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>battleships will sink beneath the waves by rosegoldblood</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28022961">battleships will sink beneath the waves</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosegoldblood/pseuds/rosegoldblood'>rosegoldblood</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drinking, Established Relationship, Hurt No Comfort, Infidelity, Love Triangles, M/M, Morally Ambiguous Character, Road Trips, Song: my tears ricochet (Taylor Swift), Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Vacation, theyre all terrible people lol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:07:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,763</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28022961</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosegoldblood/pseuds/rosegoldblood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>in hindsight, sapnap never should've agreed, though he doubts it would've changed anything - and he comes to learn that sometimes things aren't black and white.</p><p>or: how a single road trip changed everything.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>384</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>battleships will sink beneath the waves</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alienu/gifts">Alienu</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/vreaa/gifts">vreaa</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so, this is for my big bang collaboration with my friend scooter! i'd like to thank them for being such a cool person and artist to work with ^^ you can see their awesome art <a href="https://twitter.com/sketchump/status/1343417947449135105">here!</a> thank you again :)</p><p>dedicated to vrea, who beta-read this, and ali, who's been a real cool and supportive friend. thank you both so much! </p><p>and finally: this fic is very much based off of the song <em>my tears ricochet</em> by taylor swift, so if you need something to listen to while reading i definitely recommend that. </p><p>read my <a href="rosegoldblood.carrd.co">carrd</a>.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>and if i'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>cursing my name, wishing i stayed...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>【☼】</p><p> </p><p>the worst tragedies began like this.</p><p> </p><p>a normal day. a seat on the couch. sapnap, scrolling through twitter on his phone, humming a song to himself, unaware. <em>happy.</em></p><p> </p><p>the worst tragedies were the ones that no one saw coming.</p><p> </p><p>"hey, pandas," dream said, ruffling sapnap's black hair as he grinned. "what's up?"</p><p> </p><p>"not a lot. did you know ariana grande released a new album? it's called positions. people are saying it's good." they were also yelling at him to listen to it, though sapnap chose to emit that.  </p><p> </p><p>dream sat down next to him and laughed. "cool. we should listen to it on our road trip."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap froze, fingers hovering over his phone screen. "road... trip?" he turned to his boyfriend, who was smiling wide, his freckled cheeks dimpled. excitement shining in his green eyes as sapnap ran a hand over his face. "babe, what are you talking about?"</p><p> </p><p>he stood up, bouncing on his heels like he always did when he was excited. "alright, okay," he started, "i've got it all planned out, okay. so we'll go from here, orlando, right, then to tampa," dream traced his fingers in the air, as if over an imaginary map, "then to miami, then back here. and like, a few stops here or there."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm, rubbing his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>a road trip didn't sound so bad. driving down an empty road. nothing left or right of them that wasn't rolling fields of grass and trees. he could stick his head out of the window, let the wind run through his hair, look up at the bright blue never-ending sky.</p><p> </p><p>dream would smile fondly, tell him that he looked ridiculous, but sapnap would know. he'd know that dream loved him, his hand on sap's waist, sunshine on his tanned skin as he pulled sapnap in for a kiss.</p><p> </p><p>"and george is coming."</p><p> </p><p>of course he was. sapnap supposed he couldn't have it all.</p><p> </p><p>there was nothing wrong with george. by all means he was a cool guy. he liked coding and playing minecraft just like dream and sapnap did, and though he could be a bit withdrawn at time he was still funny and nice. dream seemed to love him.</p><p> </p><p>yet despite all that there was something weird about him that sapnap couldn't place. he didn't know what it was, but he'd be damned if it wasn't <em>there.</em></p><p> </p><p>"why is he coming?" sapnap asked, hoping he didn't sound too whiny. "i thought - maybe - it'd get to be just the two of us, you know. like a date or something."</p><p> </p><p>"would be a really long date, sap," dream remarked, before placing his hand on sap's shoulder, "hey. i know you and george don't know each other very well, but i'm excited for this. and i know we'll get to spend some time together. alone."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap sighed. "when are we leaving?"</p><p> </p><p>it was almost worth it, to see drema perk up in happiness. "this weekend! you still have two days to pack up and stuff, then we'll pick george up from the airport and we're on our way."</p><p> </p><p>"dream, i'm gonna be real with you, i still don't get what all this is for," sapnap admitted, scratching at the back of his neck. really, he was content to just laze around and play minecraft with his boyfriend for the rest of the month. "he's flying across for this, what's the big occasion?"</p><p> </p><p>"i guess it's just that..." dream rubbed his arm. "i've known him for so long, you know. we're pretty close by now. it's just weird to think that i haven't met him yet. so we just decided to do this, and i thought a road trip would be fun."</p><p> </p><p>he curled around sapnap, placing his chin on his shoulder. "i'm sorry. i should've asked you first. i was just really excited. he's my best friend, and i thought it'd be nice to see him. if you don't want to go, though..." dream's arms wrapped around sapnap's waist and he smiled. "i can always cancel."</p><p> </p><p>sap sighed, placing his phone down to wrap his own arm around dream. "no, babe, it's fine. i don't mind. just wish you'd told me first. i'll start packing, okay? i bet it's going to be fun." he laughed. "even if george is there."</p><p> </p><p>dream laughed too. "why do you have such a vendetta against him? is it the accent?" his finger reached up to poke sapnap's cheek playfully. "don't tell him i said this, but i think it's stupid too, don't worry."</p><p> </p><p>"it's not the accent, idiot," sapnap said, though he was seriously considering it. maybe there really was nothing wrong with george. maybe sapnap was just british-phobic. "honestly, i don't know. i promise i won't call him an idiot this time, though."</p><p> </p><p>"how kind of you." dream rolled his eyes fondly. his expression turned more genuine as he turned sapnap toward him, just slightly, a soft smile on his face. "hey, sapnap? thank you."</p><p> </p><p>despite everything, this was dream. who he'd known since sapnap was a child, who was kind and funny and loved him no matter what. how could he say no to that?</p><p> </p><p>"of course, dream."</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>"hey, you done with your packing?" dream asked, leaning against the door frame. sapnap zipped up his suitcase and patted it, turning around.</p><p> </p><p>"just about, yeah. why? are we going now?" he turned on his phone, checking the time. "dude, it's only four. you said the plane landed at five."</p><p> </p><p>dream laughed and walked over to sapnap, wrapping his arms around his neck. "i know, i know, just checking in. you know you procrastinate too much, pandas." he laughed even more at the obvious blush on sap's cheeks. </p><p> </p><p>he pushed dream away and pouted. "didn't you take like a month to write one chapter of a story?" sapnap questioned innocently, finger tapping against his chin. "pretty damn procrastinate-y of you, dream."</p><p> </p><p>"that's different. writing is hard. you procrastinate on doing the dishes, stinky." the nickname made sapnap laugh. "also, <em>procrastinate-y,</em>" he teased.</p><p> </p><p>"why are you making fun of my speaking?" sapnap whined. then he sighed. "i'm gonna miss this place. i know we're not moving, we'll only be gone for a week or two, but..." he leaned against the foot of the bed and looked around.</p><p> </p><p>there was a shelf in the wall with a few video game figurines on it, and a spelling bee trophy dream had won in eighth grade. below that was a drawer, the top littered with fake potted plants and books and movie dvds. </p><p> </p><p>it was a mess, but it was their mess. it was home.</p><p> </p><p>"just when we got settled in, you know?" sapnap continued. dream placed a hand on sap's arm. "sorry. i know this is a little stupid and that nothing's going to happen while we're gone. i really like this place, dream. but as long as you're with me, i'm okay."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>because i don't think i'd like it half as much if you weren't here.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"you're so cheesy, sap," dream said, though his voice was filled with affection as he squished sapnap's cheeks together. sap laughed and covered dream's hands with his own, their fingers entangling as dream cupped his face. "i know this place is pretty much home already, but we'll be back in no time, just you see."</p><p> </p><p>"yeah, who knows. maybe george is actually really fucking ugly and you'll decide to ditch him at the airport." there was silence as dream registered his words, eyes squinting and mouth open adorably, before he punched sapnap in the shoulder playfully.</p><p> </p><p>"jesus, sapnap, that's so rude," dream stammered out through laughter, and sapnap delighted in his giggles. they were so stuttery and low and he loved it. "i love george no matter what he looks like. even if he looks like a rat."</p><p> </p><p>"he sure looks like one."</p><p> </p><p>another facepalm from dream, though his shoulders were still shaking from laughter. "you're really going down on him, aren't y -" his phone started to vibrate, and dream slipped it out of his pocket.</p><p> </p><p>"did you really set an alarm at five-thirty?" sapnap asked, raising his eyebrow, before laughing. "you're such a dork, babe." </p><p> </p><p>"jerknap," dream shot back, standing up. he gestured toward the door and raised his eyebrow. "come on, let's go. we don't want to keep him waiitng." sapnap rolled his eyes - <em>speak for yourself - </em>but stood up anyway.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap glanced back at their queen-sized bed with minecraft blankets, which dream had bought as a joke but turned out to be their best sheets; their messy, scattered collectibles and post-it notes; the various video game posters lining the wall. home. that's what it was.</p><p> </p><p>with that one last glance he followed dream out of the room, shutting the door behind him. dream already had his suitcase and backpack prepared by the entrance, phone in hand, presumably texting george. his tongue was sticking out, like it always did when he was texting. sapnap wanted to kiss him.</p><p> </p><p>so he did.</p><p> </p><p>for a moment he kissed back, lips soft, before he laughed against sapnap's mouth and pushed him away gently. "not the time," he scolded, and sapnap rolled his eyes fondly.</p><p> </p><p>they got in the car, dream in the driver's seat (naturally - sapnap didn't know how to drive) (well, he did, but he wasn't very good at it), sapnap next to him, their suitcases piled into the back. dream squinted. "hopefully there'll be space for george's luggage."</p><p> </p><p>"hopefully he's a hobo who only has a backpack."</p><p> </p><p>another playful smack from dream. </p><p> </p><p>soon they were on the way, driving down the road, until their house wasn't even visible anymore. technically the road trip hadn't begun yet, but sapnap was already enjoying it, the wind through his hair, breezy and cool as they raced down the street.</p><p> </p><p>he'd been in the house so long ever since they moved in a few months ago. it was comfy, doing that, but he'd also forgotten how much he'd missed the outdoors. the big, blue sky and the weeds that grew and swayed along the pavement.</p><p> </p><p>at the sight of sapnap, with his window rolled down, head sticking out like a dog's, dream laughed. "i knew you'd like it," he said, and sapnap turned just slightly to listen to him speak. "you ever been on a road trip before?"</p><p> </p><p>"yeah," sapnap responded, fingers tapping against the outside of the car door, "but not in a while, that's for sure. the last long drive i've been on is the drive from the airport to our house."</p><p> </p><p>god, that was so long ago. he remembered it clear as day. dream blowing up his phone with apology texts of how he couldn't come to pick him up from the airport after his flight from texas, him profusely reassuring his boyfriend that it was okay.</p><p> </p><p>the taxi he'd taken had smelled vaguely of leftover mcdonalds, but he didn't mind, because he was in <em>florida, </em>and this time he was here to stay. it was late, and the sky was pitch black, but it had been dotted with blinking stars.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap would never forget what it looked like.</p><p> </p><p>"jeez, that was such a long time ago," dream commented, taking a turn, "i barely remember anything about that night. but i still feel bad for not picking you up." he smiled sheepishly. "anyway, yeah, road trips. they're great. sometimes it rains and it's just - the most comforting thing ever. and when it's clear, it's perfect for driving. nice to feel the sunshine on your face and all."</p><p> </p><p>he reached over to take sapnap's hand and smiled, steering with one hand. "i promise this is going to be amazing."</p><p> </p><p>there was so much sincerity in his face, the want to make sapnap happy. a love that had never died, not since they were children, and never would. sapnap couldn't believe someone felt that way for him.</p><p> </p><p>"you don't have to promise me anything."</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>strips of orange flared against the sky, blending against the shades of purple. sapnap turned from watching it to see dream race across the ground, feet nearly slipping to get to the gate, where people were waiting.</p><p> </p><p>sap laughed and followed him in, looking around. he hadn't been here in ages, he'd almost forgotten what it looked like. the airport was big and fairly clean, but it was <em>loud, </em>people chattering and yelling. louder than the rest, though, was the excited cry of, "<em>george!</em>"</p><p> </p><p>dream had scooped up george in his arms and was spinning him around like a carousel. sap laughed again at his boyfriend's enthusiasm and walked over. he smiled awkwardly and waved. </p><p> </p><p>despite all of sapnap's jokes, by no means was george ugly. he had pale, smooth skin, and brown eyes, one darker than the other. his thin arms were crossed as he glared at dream. "thanks for embarrassing me," he said, snappish as always. </p><p> </p><p>the thing about george was that he was not nice. he seemed to love being praised and complimented, but rarely did it for anyone else. he had always been fine with sapnap, but  dream seemed to get on his nerves every single time he said something, so much that sapnap didn't know why dream put him up with him. or why george stayed his friend at all.</p><p> </p><p>clearly there was something about dream that george liked, because he was smiling as dream swirled him around again. "i'm so glad you're here, georgie," he chirped, winding his finger through a strand of george's neat hair. </p><p> </p><p>"it's nice to finally see you, dream." george tilted his head, eyes roving over dream's face.</p><p> </p><p>that's right, sapnap thought, george had never seen dream before. he'd been too private and protective of his own face, even as the two friends got closer and closer, and dream had never quite explained why. he didn't seem too bothered by it now.</p><p> </p><p>"this is my boyfriend, sapnap. you've talked to him before." the word <em>boyfriend </em>made sapnap preen, and he grinned as he stuck his hand out. "sap, be nice."</p><p> </p><p>george laughed at this, right hand over his mouth, using his left to shake sapnap's. "hi, sapnap," he said, voice uncharacteristically shy. </p><p> </p><p>"you excited for this road trip?" sapnap asked, and dream perked up at the mention of it.</p><p> </p><p>"i guess so. i haven't been on a long road trip in a while, i've kind of forgotten what they're like." he tapped his chin and shrugged. before he could continue dream jumped up and wrapped his arms around george.</p><p> </p><p>"oh, this is going to be awesome!" dream nearly yelled into george's ear, making the poor guy wince. "road trip along this hell state with my best friend and my boyfriend, heck yeah!"</p><p> </p><p>george raised his eyebrow. "hell state?" he questioned, as if already regretting his decision to fly over to florida. sapnap snickered.</p><p> </p><p>"yep. this place is terrible, you're gonna love it."</p><p> </p><p>they all laughed in unison, dream looking pleased with his joke. sapnap watched as his boyfriend's arm came to wrap around george's shoulder, and when dream looked up and smiled at sapnap, he smiled back. this was going to be one hell of a road trip.</p><p> </p><p>and he couldn't wait for it.</p><p> </p><p>"sap, can you take george to the car? i'm gonna carry our luggage." sapnap raised his eyebrow and gestured to the two separate suitcases and backpack that george had brought (that much? what even was in there, a whole alligator?). "yes, all of them, babe. have a little faith."</p><p> </p><p>"of course i do. you're so big and strong, dream," sapnap cooed sarcastically, and george stuck his tongue out at the couple's antics.</p><p> </p><p>dream rolled his eyes and squeezed george's shoulder. "jeez, see, sap? you're grossing george out already. why would you treat our esteemed guest like this? so rude." this time it was sapnap's turn to roll his eyes. "dude! just lead him to the car!"</p><p> </p><p>sapnap raised his hands in surrender, leaving dream with the luggage as he nudged george. they walked out of the airport together, george's arms crossed behind his back as he walked.</p><p> </p><p>"so," he started, biting his lip, "you and dream. how long have you guys been together?"</p><p> </p><p>a heavy sense of dread settled into sapnap's heart. george and dream had always been so close, maybe a little too close for sapnap's liking... but he shook the feeling away. he trusted dream, and though it was on a lesser level he trusted george not to make out with dream while he and sapnap were dating.</p><p> </p><p>shaking himself out of his thoughts, sapnap answered, "oh, around a year. but i moved in with him here just a few months ago. we've been friends since we were little kids. we used to do everything together." he waved his hand around vaguely. "well, i guess we still do."</p><p> </p><p>"that's sweet," george said, though he seemed a little less cheerful when they reached the car. sapnap chose to ignore it; maybe it was just the jet lag.</p><p> </p><p>he hoped it was just the jet lag.</p><p> </p><p>"sure it's sweet." sapnap got into the front seat, craning his neck around to look at george in the back, who was fidgeting with his fingers. "he's still loads annoying sometimes, though. i'm sure you know about that do."</p><p> </p><p>george laughed. "i do."</p><p> </p><p>just then the back car door opened, dream attempting to push the luggage in to fit with his and sapnap's. "hey. talking about me?" he wiggled his eyebrows and winked at george, who rolled his eyes. sapnap pursed his lips and turned back to the front.</p><p> </p><p>dream started talking as soon as he got into the car. "it's going to be an hour and a half drive to tampa," he explained, rolling up the sleeves of his hoodie, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. "an hour if we're lucky."</p><p> </p><p>he turned back around to look at the road stretching out in front of them. then he turned to sapnap, eyes crinkling up in the corners like they did when he was happy. "you should get some rest, babe. you've been awake all day."</p><p> </p><p>despite his hesitation, the suggestion did sound nice. even george was curling into himself in the back seat, staring out the window with his eyes half-lidded. "i don't know," sapnap said, uncertain, "it's only an hour's drive, right? you need company."</p><p> </p><p>"that's sweet, but i'll be fine. you deserve this, pandas. go to sleep. i'll wake you up when we're there."</p><p> </p><p>he yawned, resting his head onto the window of the car, watching the grey asphalt speed beneath him. "alright, dreamy. if you insist." for a second, he paused, then, "i love you, dream."</p><p> </p><p>a lazy smile stretched across his face as dream leaned over and kissed his cheek.</p><p> </p><p>"i love you too, sapnap."</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>sapnap furrowed his eyebrows and shifted in his seat when the car stopped moving, muttering something incomprehensible under his breath. a shaking at his shoulder made him groan tiredly. </p><p> </p><p>"pandas," someone murmured, lips moving against his ear, and his eyes fluttered open. it was dark save for the light coming from the headlights, quiet save for the humming of the engine that hadn't been shut off yet. "hey, sleepyhead."</p><p> </p><p>"dream," he slurred, wiping the drool off his chin, "what time is it?"</p><p> </p><p>distantly he heard dream laugh and say, "around nine. the drive was way longer than i thought, but whatever. we're here now, and it's not too late." sapnap nodded, though he barely processed the words, turning back to see george, still curled up into a ball as he slept. "yeah... he fell asleep on the drive here."</p><p> </p><p>"we're going to check in anyway?" sapnap asked, blinking blearily as he gestured toward the hotel dream had parked at. the inside was still lit up with bright lights, but it was empty. not a lot of people going in and out this late, he supposed.</p><p> </p><p>dream nodded. "i think he'd like it," he said, opening the door to pat george gently on the shoulder, trying to wake him up. "i really appreciate him coming on this trip in the first place. we've known each other for quite a bit, so. this means a lot."</p><p> </p><p>"yeah," was all sapnap said, too tired to quell the jealousy in his heart.</p><p> </p><p>it seemed to be showing on his face, or maybe dream was a mind reader, because he moved to sapnap and cupped his cheek. "hey," he said softly, "you mean a lot to me too, pandas. i would have cancelled if you hadn't agreed... i don't think i would have half as much fun without you. i'm glad you're here. i'm glad we all are."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap let himself smile, leaning into dream's hand. "thanks," he whispered, covering dream's hand with his own, warm against his skin. dream was always warm, even when the air conditioner was on full blast, even during winter and snow. it was like he was the sun, radiating light and warmth and comfort wherever he went.</p><p> </p><p>and sapnap couldn't live without him.</p><p> </p><p>a second later dream pulled away, going back to shaking george, who was still fast asleep. "george," he said, repeating it louder. sap unplugged his phone and his charger, clambering off his seat out of the car. "george? wake up."</p><p> </p><p>finally george's eyes opened, rubbing at them. he shook his head tiredly, his hair mussed up, arm imprinted with the car seat patterns. "hotel?" his voice was hoarse and quiet, and if it were anyone else sapnap would have thought it cute.</p><p> </p><p>"yep, we're here. let's go and check in." george made a whiny sound. "dude, you insisted on the hotel. face the actions of your consequences."</p><p> </p><p>george groaned again and tumbled out of the car, dragging his backpack along behind him. sapnap laughed, closing the front car door and leaning on it as dream tucked his hands into his hoodie pockets and strolled in.</p><p> </p><p>"karma," sapnap whispered, and george rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>when they caught up to dream, he had a worried look on his face. "there's only one room left," he explained, "one bed. and a couch. so i guess one of us will have to sleep on it." the couple's eyes went to george, who smiled awkwardly. "george, i don't... uh..."</p><p> </p><p>"it's fine," he dismissed, "a couch is better than a car seat."</p><p> </p><p>"you didn't seem to mind it just now," sapnap remarked, grinning as george rolled his eyes yet again. "are you sure, though? hotel couches make my neck hurt like a bitch in the morning."</p><p> </p><p>he shrugged. "i'm sure it's fine." george turned back to the receptionist and nodded. "we'll take the room, please. yeah. thanks." the receptionist started clacking away at her keyboard.</p><p> </p><p>soon they had two key cards - one for george and one for dream and sapnap to share. "three hundred twenty-two," dream read, thumbing at the paper with the wifi password. "that's the third floor. come on."</p><p> </p><p>they piled into the lift, rising higher and higher into the building. when the elevator doors slid open, dream was the first one to walk out. sapnap and george glanced at each other, but didn't say anything.</p><p> </p><p>dream swiped the card against the scanner, pushing the door open. "welcome to home. for the night," he added, before racing to flop on the bed. it wasn't tiny, but it definitely wasn't meant for two adults, either.</p><p> </p><p>beside that was a bedside table with a telephone and a lamp on it, as well as a notepad and a socket in the wall. "yay," dream deadpanned, voice muffled, "okay. sapnap, c'mere. george, turn off the lights. good night."</p><p> </p><p>"jeez, calm down."</p><p> </p><p>"i've been driving for so long, george, i'm tired. let me have this," dream said as he rolled over in the bed, letting sapnap flop down next to him.</p><p> </p><p>george, meanwhile, was trying to wrestle a blanket from the top shelf of the cabinet. "yeah, yeah, okay, hold on." he jumped up, fingers scraping past the wood, tongue sticking out of his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>to sapnap's surprise, dream sighed and shifted, getting out of the bed to help george retrieve the blanket. he tossed it at george and sapnap smiled sleepily as george tucked himself into the couch. "thanks, dream."</p><p> </p><p>a moment later dream was back in bed, smiling at sapnap. "no problem, george," he replied. then he lowered his voice, "night, sap. i love you."</p><p> </p><p>"love you too," sapnap murmured into the pillow, and then he was fast asleep.</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>when he woke up, it was dark, and the bed was empty next to him.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap stretched out, fingers pressing against the sheets of the bed as he murmured his boyfriend's name. when no response came he sat up, rubbing at his eyes. "dream?' he repeated louder. </p><p> </p><p>"sapnap?" dream said. he was sitting on the arm of the couch, but stood up to walk over to sapnap. "sorry, i was just talking to george. you should go back to sleep, not too long before we have to be back on the road again." </p><p> </p><p>through his sleepiness sapnap managed to say, "can't sleep without you."</p><p> </p><p>dream seemed to find this adorable, because he laughed. "okay, okay. you should probably go back to sleep too, george." sapnap couldn't see him, but he heard george yawn and the sound of someone slumping back against the couch. </p><p> </p><p>"there," dream whispered as he curled back around sapnap, arm going over sapnap's chest while the other was tucked beneath his pillow. "is that okay?" in response sapnap just purred into dream's chest, eliciting another laugh. "good."</p><p> </p><p>he closed his eyes, chest rising and falling with dream's, arms warm around him as he fell asleep once more.</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>"apple juice," was all george said in disdain as dream poked a straw into a box of it. "jeez, dream, i can't believe you still need juice boxes. might as well go back to pre-school if you're at it."</p><p> </p><p>"oh, shut up, george," dream shot back, though he clearly wasn't actually angry. for reasons that even sapnap didn't know, dream loved apple juice, and he remembered when dream used to carry tiny boxes of them around. he didn't anymore, but maybe the trip was a special occasion.</p><p> </p><p>george did not shut up. in fact, he turned to sapnap and raised his eyebrow cockily. "how does it feel dating a child, sapnap?' he teased, giggling as dream punched him playfully in the shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>"well," sapnap started, rubbing at his chin as they walked across the parking lot - it was a sunny morning, but not a hot one. perfect weather for an outing, though sapnap suspected it would grow hotter nearing the afternoon. "did you know he sleeps with a creeper plushie?"</p><p> </p><p>"no way," george gasped, and dream blushed as he looked away. "dream? do you really?" before dream could even respond, george laughed. "that's kind of cute, if i'm being honest."</p><p> </p><p>the embarrassment seemed to lift from dream's face, though his cheeks were still red. "you think so? yeah - well -" he paused for a moment, "i'm not the one who's british. and five feet eight."</p><p> </p><p>"i'm five nine! and there's nothing wrong with being british!" george huffed, dream starting to laugh.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap tilted his head, trying to decide whether or not they were flirting - or at least, hoping they weren't. they reached the car, but before sapnap could open the car door george pushed him out of the way.</p><p> </p><p>"can i sit in the front?" he asked, not waiting for an answer as he jumped in. sapnap raised his eyebrows at the sheer audacity george had.</p><p> </p><p>"come on now, george," dream said, and sapnap couldn't help but laugh at the words he'd heard over and over again, like it was dream's catchphrase. "that's sapnap's seat. it'll only be a thirty minute drive to clearwater -"</p><p> </p><p>when george pouted and began to get back out, sapnap sighed and patted his shoulder. "it's fine, dream. you can sit in the front, gogy." the nickname was one sapnap had invented a year ago, one that he knew annoyed george immensely, but right now he didn't look annoyed. "like you said, only a thirty minute drive."</p><p> </p><p>dream shrugged and got into the front seat, strapping his seat belt across his chest. george started tapping at the music player until he settled on a radio station he liked, playing some trashy rap song that sapnap rolled his eyes at.</p><p> </p><p>"i can't drive, you know," george said casually, fiddling with the volume. dream shifted the driver stick and soon they were on the road. "we usually use public transport. i don't own a car, either."</p><p> </p><p>"we figured, george. why would you have a car if you can't drive?" dream asked, eyes still focused on the road, and george shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>"i haven't driven in a while, either," sapnap reassured him, leaning forward so that he was in between george and dream up front, "dream just drives me everywhere, which is sweet of him." he pinched dream's cheek affectionately, making him snicker and swat sapnap away.</p><p> </p><p>george's eyebrows were furrowed, and he didn't say anything, turning back to the front. sapnap didn't comment.</p><p> </p><p>the rest of the drive was quiet - not in a tense way, but in a more comfortable way, except dream couldn't seem to stop trying to break the silence. "you ever heard of clearwater beach, georgie?" he asked, receiving the shake of a head in return. </p><p> </p><p>"apparently it's like this huge tourist destination," dream explained, taking a turn. "i've never been, but it's got to be pretty cool if it's that popular, right?" </p><p> </p><p>"i don't really like beaches," george admitted, tapping at his chin, and dream pouted, "the sand's all weird and gets in my shoes and stuff. it's not even that pretty."</p><p> </p><p>"you can't even see colours, george," was sapnap's deadpan reply, much to george's indignance, as he huffed. "what, is the sea all piss yellow to you?"</p><p> </p><p>while dream muttered something about a low blow, george's mouth dropped open. his reactions were so over-exaggerated, sapnap sometimes wondered if he was acting. "i can see blue, you idiot."</p><p> </p><p>"we're here," dream interrupted, backing into a parking space. they were behind a building, but sapnap assumed beyond that was the actual beach, and he tugged eagerly at the swim shorts he was wearing underneath his normal clothing. "shut up, both of you."</p><p> </p><p>"sapnap is being mean," george whined, though his cheeks were slightly flushed for some reason. </p><p> </p><p>dream rolled his eyes. "sapnap, stop being mean," he said, making sapnap out himself, crossing his arms. "come on, guys. we're here!" they got out of the car and locked it, following dream down the path as he walked backwards, arms spread. "welcome to clearwater beach!"</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>george wasn't lying when he'd said he hated the beach.</p><p> </p><p>every step in the sand made him pout, and he nearly fell over once or twice. when he slipped the third time, george chose to curl his hands around sapnap's arm as he scowled. "really not used to the beach, huh?" sapnap asked as george pressed himself closer to sapnap like he was allergic to sand.</p><p> </p><p>"<em>yeahhh</em>," george hissed, like a balloon deflating, "i usually stay inside. and when i go out it's to a restaurant, or a mall, or something. not..." he gestured down at his feet as they trudged across.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap snickered. he couldn't say he loved the beach, but he definitely didn't despite it either. the sand felt nice between his toes, and the water was usually cool and pleasant as long as he didn't get too wet. </p><p> </p><p>"hey, you guys okay back there?" dream asked, glancing back. a strange expression crossed his face at the sight of george clinging to sapnap, but sapnap figured it was just surprise. "good. i was worried you'd drown in quicksand."</p><p> </p><p>"hilarious, dream," george deadpanned, hands loosening around sapnap, "there's no quicksand at the beach."</p><p> </p><p>"not to your knowledge," dream said ominously, before turning back to slide down a slope of sand.</p><p> </p><p>george raised his eyebrows. "what does that mean?" dream didn't answer, kicking off his flip-flops and stretching back, sapnap admiring how he looked - tan skin under sunshine and light, dirty blonde hair ruffled. "dream! what does that mean?"</p><p> </p><p>dream just shrugged, letting george pout and let go of sapnap's arm as he caught up to dream to pester him. sapnap smiled and slid down himself, laughing as dream jolted, kicking off his own sandals. </p><p> </p><p>he sat at the shore, letting the water lap against his feet. it was surprisingly not too crowded - maybe they were just lucky. dream was determined to make this road trip go smoothly, and maybe the universe was really on his side.</p><p> </p><p>"oh, come on now," sapnap heard dream say, "you should sit down, georgie. i swear it's not that bad." a long groan was heard, and hesitantly, george sat down on the mat dream had laid over the sand. "see? not so bad."</p><p> </p><p>"i guess," george said, scooting forward ever so slightly to place his chin on sapnap's shoulder. his eyes moved to watch the waves wash across the sand, carrying small shells and rocks. somewhere behind him sapnap heard dream say <em>ooh, is that ice cream?</em></p><p> </p><p>sapnap scanned over george's own face. "your eyes," he remarked out of nowhere, and george turned to him with a cocked eyebrow, "one of them is -" he tapped at the corner of his own eye, as if making a point, "- darker than the other."</p><p> </p><p>george blinked and moved forward a bit more. "yeah, i know. people have told me. i think it's called heterochromia, or something. doesn't really matter, though. they're just two different shades of brown. would be cooler if one of them was blue."</p><p> </p><p>"nah, i think it's pretty just like this." at this george blushed, rubbing at his cheek as a small smile grew on his face. sapnap smiled, too. "besides, if it was blue you wouldn't be able to see it."</p><p> </p><p>the smile turned into a glare, and sapnap laughed as george pushed him in the shoulder. "shit off, you idiot. i can still see blue." he turned back to the ocean, rolling waves, stretching for miles out, seemingly endless. just like the sky. "it's one of the only colours i can see, actually."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap would have said something, but george kept talking. "i guess that's one thing good about the beach. the sea's really beautiful." pale fingers reached forward to dip into the water, before curling up into a fist and george blushed. "sorry. i'm talking too much."</p><p> </p><p>that wasn't false. george had always been a little bit shy, and even with dream he was still a little soft-spoken. sapnap had never heard him sound so serious, but it was nice. that he was opening up. maybe he only disliked george because he didn't know much about him.</p><p> </p><p>"it's cool. i don't mind." he turned back to see dream walking back to them, balancing three cones of ice cream in his hand. "you know, i'm sure dream doesn't either." it was a joke, but it made his heart falter, just a little. dream's growing fondness for george was making him...</p><p> </p><p>jealous. </p><p> </p><p>which was ridiculous, really. sapnap had never seen himself as someone overly jealous, or even possessive. dream was the one to take that role (he still remembered the time he'd gotten into a bar fight for sapnap. it was way more romantic than it should've been).</p><p> </p><p>but now sapnap was the one worrying about their relationship and <em>george, </em>and he wasn't sure how to feel about that. he'd gotten so used to the sense of normalcy that dream had brought him. </p><p> </p><p>"dream, huh," george echoed, looking back out toward the roiling ocean, "he's pretty cool. and he's a good friend. you're a lucky guy, sapnap." he smiled and patted sapnap on the shoulder, leaving him to toil and wonder what the fuck had just happened.</p><p> </p><p>"you like chocolate, right, george?" dream questioned, handing george a swirl of chocolate ice cream atop a cone. "oh, and i got one for you too, sapnap." another chocolate ice cream, just like he liked it. "you guys have bad taste."</p><p> </p><p>a snort from george, who was kitten-licking the soft serve. "okay, dream. sit down and eat your <em>matcha ice cream</em>." he said the last three words in an exaggerated, high-pitched tone, mocking dream. </p><p> </p><p>who rolled his eyes and flopped back onto the mat, careful not to spill his ice cream all over his chest. and when he smiled up at sapnap, nose scrunching up and eyes filled with warmth, as he intertwined their hands -</p><p> </p><p>sapnap thought that maybe he didn't have much reason to be jealous.</p><p> </p><p>"finish your ice cream quickly, okay?" he murmured.</p><p> </p><p>"i have something i want to show you."</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>of course george was coming along. of course he was.</p><p> </p><p>what did he expect, for dream to just leave him back there on the sand to eat his ice cream? dream would never do that, and sapnap felt a bit bad for wishing that had happened, but he was allowed to want what he wanted.</p><p> </p><p>"i thought you said you'd never been here before," george pointed out, finishing off the rest of his ice cream cone, "how did you know this was here?"</p><p> </p><p>dream looked sheepish, wrapping his arms around george's shoulder. "i saw it when i was buying the ice cream, and i thought i'd show you guys. it's, like, really cool. trust me." he was nearly beaming with excitement, and it made sapnap feel warm.</p><p> </p><p>they passed the ice cream stand and walked some more to the edge of the bay, where the waves hit rocks instead of sand. there was a tiny alcove, almost invisible among the coastline. george tilted his head.</p><p> </p><p>"i didn't even notice that," he said, and sapnap rolled his eyes. "but what's so special about it? i mean, it's nice and all..." but a little underwhelming - on that, sapnap had to agree. </p><p> </p><p>"just come look," dream said, sitting down onto the sand and scooting into the tiny cave. sapnap did the same, but george refused to, instead placing his hands on his knees and leaning over. "suit yourself. see that?"</p><p> </p><p>he pointed at a tiny hole in the sand. it was strange, but other than that, it wasn't much of a sight. "dream, did you seriously drag us all over here to show us a hole in the sand?"</p><p> </p><p>"sapnap, you're an idiot." dream pouted, moving back a little more, making the sand puff up. his shirt was wet, so he took it off, tossing it somewhere behind him. sapnap flushed. "holes in the sand mean <em>crabs. </em>you know, those little small ones?"</p><p> </p><p>at this, they all turned to look at the hole. nothing happened.</p><p> </p><p>"did you mean crabs like the std?" george deadpanned.</p><p> </p><p>dream furrowed his eyebrows and opened his mouth to say something, but sapnap pointed at the hole. "look!"</p><p> </p><p>they all turned to it, and sure enough, there was a tiny crab crawling out of the hole. dream laughed in delight and george's eyes went wide. it seemed to take one look at the people towering over it and decided that it wasn't dealing with that, scuttling across the sand and out of sight.</p><p> </p><p>"that was so -" george didn't get to finish his sentence as two more crabs crawled out of the sand, and he relapsed into silence in awe. sapnap laughed and turned to dream, though it faded when he realised dream was staring at george with a look he'd seen so many times before. </p><p> </p><p>a look he'd had on his face so many times before when he was looking at <em>sapnap, </em>red dusted across his cheeks and a small smile on his face. eyes full of love as they followed george wherever he moved, pointing out the crabs beginning to scatter across the sand.</p><p> </p><p>dread started to grow in sapnap's chest once more, in the pit of his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>dream was his. they'd been friends since they were kids, watching each other grow up, hand in hand. and after they'd gotten together, there was dream - with his wheezy laugh and his tendency to hyperfixate on minecraft and the way he'd call him <em>pandas,</em> voice so soft and gentle, even when they were children.</p><p> </p><p>dream was his. all their experiences - the dates, the soft sleepy kisses, the messy breakfast-in-beds, the teasing nicknames. those were all his. </p><p> </p><p>he didn't want to share them with anybody.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap curled his hands into fists as george yelped, a crab's claw pinching at his finger as he swung his finger. "it's kinda cute," he said, before grimacing, "okay, never mind, it hurts. dream, get it off!"</p><p> </p><p>the sound of dream's wheeze was almost enough to get sapnap to stop scowling. almost. "dream!" george shrieked again, and sapnap gritted his teeth at his loud, nasally voice. "help me! get it off, it hurts!"</p><p> </p><p>through laughter and shaking hands dream managed to pull the crab off, making george screech again. dream let the crab run down his arm and onto the sand. "you overreact way too much, george," he said, and it killed sapnap, the way he said george's name so carefully. like it was something worth protecting.</p><p> </p><p>"you guys done playing?" sapnap asked, trying for a joking tone, though it came out as more of a hiss. when both of them turned to look at him in concern, he massaged the bridge of his nose. it wouldn't do any good to get angry at them, at least for now. "sorry, sorry. i'm just... pretty sure one of the crabs pinched me, too. hurt."</p><p> </p><p>dream didn't seem convinced, but he sent sapnap a sympathetic smile anyway. "yeah, maybe the crabs don't want us around." as was evident from the second crab to claw onto george's hand. "besides, it's getting kind of hot."</p><p> </p><p>"it's only been like an hour," george protested.</p><p> </p><p>"i thought you hated the beach," dream teased, making george blush, "if you really want to stay, we can, but i was planning on going to the restaurant... after we get a change of clothes."</p><p> </p><p>as if jolted back into reality george lifted his arms up, sticking his tongue out at the sand and water soaking his clothing. dream laughed. "yeah, okay," he said, trying in vain to wipe some of it off, "we can go."</p><p> </p><p>"pretty sure there are showers somewhere over there." dream gestured back to where they'd come from. george stuck his tongue out yet again. "you really do complain about everything, don't you? it'll be fine. then we'll be back on the road, and you won't even mind."</p><p> </p><p>they trudged through the sand, bantering with the other, and sapnap wrapped his arms around himself, feeling all too invisible. and it wasn't a feeling he wasn't used to - he's felt it so many times before - but not by dream. never with dream.</p><p> </p><p>he'd always been the exception. the only person who <em>saw </em>sapnap.</p><p> </p><p>but now, even as sapnap scowled behind them, dream only seemed to see george.</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>they were on the road again, and sapnap was riding shotgun again.</p><p> </p><p>which was good - made him feel better. it was a little petty, and stupid, and idiotic, but dream had always loved him for being that, so it didn't matter. at least sapnap hoped dream still loved him for that - he didn't know what he'd do if dream didn't.</p><p> </p><p>"so, where to next?" sapnap asked, kicking off his sandals and propping them up on the dashboard. dream laughed as he watched george flick sand off his arms in the backseat. </p><p> </p><p>"fort myers," he said, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, "there's a really nice - i think they're called beach towns? - yeah, there's a really nice beach town down by there. though we probably won't be spending much time there, seeing as we just went to the beach. we're going to stop for lunch while driving out of clearwater, and we'll be there at around three."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap hummed in understanding, and after a moment, george did too. he was still trying to brush the sand off his skin. "tissue probably helps," dream suggested, leaning across sapnap to get the tissue box.</p><p> </p><p>"i can do it." sapnap jumped forward, and took the tissue from under dream's fingers, flinging it to george, perhaps a bit rudely, though the other caught it just fine. "eyes on the road, dreamy, don't be an irresponsible driver."</p><p> </p><p>the perplexed look on dream's face changed into some kind of smugness, and he settled back into his seat. "sorry, pandas," the voice was back, and sapnap was relieved to know that it was for him. that it was for who it was <em>supposed </em>to be for. "you just keep distracting me."</p><p> </p><p>"oh, sorry," sapnap cooed back, "should i move to the back? or stop being so gorgeous?"</p><p> </p><p>"i don't know, i'd really much rather look at you than the road."</p><p> </p><p>"yuck," sapnap heard george say, and despite himself he burst into laughter. george looked surprised at this, then smiled shyly like he was proud of himself. sapnap himself didn't know why he was laughing so hard, he just was.</p><p> </p><p>even dream was biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. "sorry, george," he said, small snickers escaping, "alright, no more pda for the rest of the trip. except when george is showering at the hotel, that's free game."</p><p> </p><p>that elicited another laugh from sapnap, and the worry in his heart grew ever smaller. who knows, maybe by the time lunch was over he'd have forgotten the whole thing, and everything would be back to normal.</p><p> </p><p>"don't tell me that, dream," george said, tone full of disdain like he was about to be sick. dream laughed again.</p><p> </p><p>soon, they pulled over to a mcdonalds, the big yellow <em>m </em>glowing in the daylight. sapnap found himself laughing. the perfect road trip, and they were eating at mcdonalds. it really did fit dream perfectly. </p><p> </p><p>"what?" dream said as they stepped out of the car, slamming the doors shut. george started to grin, too. "what? what's wrong with mcdonalds?"</p><p> </p><p>"nothing," sapnap lied, voice high-pitched as he giggled like a school girl, "nothing's wrong with mcdonalds, babe. you're the floridian, after all, you know all the good tourist spots."</p><p> </p><p>dream narrowed his eyes. "mcdonalds isn't a tourist spot," he said, and sapnap couldn't help but laugh yet again at how close dream was to getting it and yet how oblivious to sap's teasing he was. "you don't mind fast food, do you, george?"</p><p> </p><p>"all i eat is fast food," george reassured him, rubbing at his eyes. the sand-covered tissue was still in his hand, and he stuffed it into his pocket as they walked in.</p><p> </p><p>a fresh wave of cold air hit sapnap, and he had to admit getting out of the car after driving for a straight thirty minutes was a little relieving. even if it was a mcdonalds with suspiciously sticky floors and air that smelled like fake meat.</p><p> </p><p>after they ordered an ungodly amount of unhealthy food, dream settled into one of the tables. "hey, i need to go the bathroom," george said, and the other two both nodded as he left. when he did, dream sighed a breath of relief, which was unusual.</p><p> </p><p>"okay, great timing, george," he muttered, before straightening, "sapnap, i... wanted to talk to you." his heart started beating a little faster - okay. okay. dream had noticed. he couldn't figure out whether that was a good thing or not. "you've been... different."</p><p> </p><p>so he didn't know sapnap was jealous - that was something. though with how smart dream was, he'd probably figure it out sooner or later. sapnap settled on a half-truth. "it's not really a big deal," sapnap said, "it's just that... you're having so much fun with george. making me feel a little third wheel-y over here."</p><p> </p><p>instant remorse and surprise fell over dream's face, which pleased sapnap a little. "god, i'm so sorry, pandas. george is my best friend, and it's so nice seeing him and having him here..." he moved closer, wrapping his arm around sap's shoulder, "but he's not my boyfriend. you are. and i've been... a horrible one."</p><p> </p><p>"horrible is a stretch," sapnap laughed, "i wasn't going to believe you stopped loving me. that would never happen, jeez. i'm not that dumb." he smiled. "but... thank you, dream. i guess i was just feeling a little third wheel-y, you know?"</p><p> </p><p>"and i'm sorry for that," dream said, voice so painfully earnest. sapnap bit the inside of his cheek to restrain himself from crying, though he must have been failing, dream swiping at the corner of his eye. "sap, i want you to know that... no matter how much fun i'm having with george, i still love you. he and i are never going to be as close as us."</p><p> </p><p>that was all sapnap needed to hear, really. reassurance, that things weren't crumbling apart. he knew he could get too into his own head sometimes. "i love you too, dream." and with that dream closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to sapnap's.</p><p> </p><p>it was almost funny, because when the road trip had begun sapnap never would have expected them to be making out in a mcdonalds, but now they were. and it must have looked very, very awkward, but it didn't feel awkward.</p><p> </p><p>it felt like things were where they belonged. it felt like things were okay, and that they would be forever.</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>"okay, okay, okay, here's another good one, alright? okay?" dream's voice went high like he was asking a question, but both sapnap and george knew there was no stopping him anyway. "okay. what do you do when a lemon gets hurt?"</p><p> </p><p>george's response was <em>'squeeze it in dream's eyes'</em>, at the exact same time sapnap said, "dream, i'm going to kill you with my bare hands." and despite his jealousy, he really did feel connected to george.</p><p> </p><p>dream was not deterred by either threat. "you give it lemon aid!" with that he burst into laughter, car swerving just a tiny bit as he wheezed at the terrible joke. sapnap had to stabilize the steering wheel to avoid crashing into the pavement. "whoops."</p><p> </p><p>"<em>whoops</em>," george mimicked sarcastically, "we're all going to die."</p><p> </p><p>"at his bad jokes or his driving skills?" </p><p> </p><p>"yes."</p><p> </p><p>okay, maybe george was a little funny.</p><p> </p><p>"i can't believe you guys don't like my cheesy jokes," dream remarked. sapnap wasn't so sure where he'd gotten this sudden burst of pep and enthusiasm, especially since he'd been relatively quiet for the past two hours, but maybe it was just because they were nearing fort myers now. "cheesy jokes are like, a hallmark of road trips."</p><p> </p><p>"is getting into a car crash because your boyfriend has terrible driving skills also a road trip hallmark?" sapnap asked, tone deadpan, though the word drop of <em>boyfriend </em>wasn't unintentional. he was... asserting dominance. in case george needed a reminder. </p><p> </p><p>"i'm a better driver than you," dream said, and sapnap laughed at how defensive he sounded, "oh, whatever. we're here, anyway, you won't have to survive them any longer." he pulled into a lot, his tongue sticking out like it always did when he tried to parallel park. </p><p> </p><p>george was the first to jump up, stretching back. he looked up at the buildings next to them, at the palm trees and street lamps that cast weird shadows onto the ground. "beach town?" he asked, pointing at one of the nearby buildings, "is that the -"</p><p> </p><p>"cool your jets, george, we're not settling in just yet," dream teased, leaning out the window, and sapnap snickered, "i've already checked us into a room, now we're going to go to butterfly estates. just thought i'd stop by here to show y'all... well, the sights, i suppose."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap raised his eyebrow. "oh, so that's what you were doing on your phone before," he said, and dream nodded, he really wished dream would start telling him things more. "george, get back in unless you want us to strand you."</p><p> </p><p>"we wouldn't," dream jumped in, "but like, seriously. get in."</p><p> </p><p>with a slightly fearful crook to his eyebrow, george got back in. "you know, that's what all the kidnappers say."</p><p> </p><p>this made sapnap's own eyebrows shoot up in surprise as they got back to driving. "uh, excuse me?" he questioned, as dream started to laugh again, "what the fuck did you just say, george? i beg your fucking pardon?"</p><p> </p><p>the other stayed quiet, sitting in the backseat and smiling plaintively. sapnap rolled his eyes and smiled, thinking that maybe he could get used to this.</p><p> </p><p>but then again, wasn't that what he'd thought when george was at the airport? in the car, at the hotel? weren't those just moments before everything felt like they were shattering around him? maybe he was doomed to that endless cycle of terrible, unstable emotion.</p><p> </p><p>or maybe he was overthinking things.</p><p> </p><p>soon they were at the butterfly shelter, and dream was bouncing on his heels in excitement as they approached the entrance. "can you believe they're non-profit?" he asked, eyes nearly shining, and sapnap had to place a hand on his shoulder to stop him from nearly vibrating. "that's so cool!"</p><p> </p><p>"it is pretty impressive how they manage to handle all this without profits," george said as they stepped in.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap had to admit that it <em>was </em>cool, as well as pretty. trimmed bushes lined the paths ahead of them, and there were some red and pink flowers blooming among them. a few people were walking around, but luckily not too many. the occasional butterfly flitted past, and dream would gasp like a little kid seeing one for the first time.</p><p> </p><p>it all reminded sapnap of how painfully adorable his boyfriend was, how despite all his coolness and toughness and his giant ego, he was still so often in awe of things like butterflies. </p><p> </p><p>"we should go to the butterfly conservatory," george suggested, reading off of a sign, and dream nodded as he hummed in agreement. they entered one of the small glass houses, almost like a greenhouse, and dream went to gape at the cocoons on the branches.</p><p> </p><p>leaving sapnap and george next to each other. "it's like he's never seen butterflies before," george laughed, and when sapnap turned to him, he started to blush. oh, great. if he had a crush on dream, that'd make matters even worse...</p><p> </p><p>sapnap shook his head. he had to stop jumping to conclusions. george clearly meant no harm, and he seemed to like sapnap. he had to try to like him, and if not for himself or george, then for dream.</p><p> </p><p>"i mean, there aren't exactly a lot of them flying about all the time. also considering we rarely go outside." it wasn't meant to be a joke, but george laughed anyway. "i think dream's always liked nature. he had this phase in sixth grade, where he was obsessed with wildlife and survival skills. he used to buy all these books and talk so much about it." he smiled at the memory - one that he hadn't thought of in years. "it was cute."</p><p> </p><p>"sure sounds like it," george said, crossing his arms. they were both still looking at dream, who was standing very, very still, frozen in place as he tried to get a butterfly to land on his finger. "you've known each other a long time."</p><p> </p><p>it was a statement, not a question, and sapnap didn't know what to say to that. he also couldn't decipher what george was thinking; was he jealous? or was he impassive, just like his face was? sometimes he wished george was more expressive.</p><p> </p><p>"yep. ever since we were tiny kids. we used to do everything together, even back then. i guess it was only natural that we start dating... i had a crush on him for forever before that, though. took him even longer than that to notice." a flush dusted sapnap's cheeks as he thought about it. "dream can be dense."</p><p> </p><p>george laughed, though it was more of a breath than a proper one. "yeah," was all he said.</p><p> </p><p>they fell into silence, and sapnap built his resolve. he had to talk to george about this. but should he? maybe it was all in his head, and he'd just look stupid. except there was no harm in trying, right? he'd definitely feel way better... then again, george never asked to be caught up in their relationship issues.</p><p> </p><p>in the end, sapnap didn't even get to make that choice. "you look weird. is something wrong?" george asked, leaning forward ever so slightly to touch sapnap's arm. when sapnap's eyes cut to dream, he called out aloud, "hey, dream, we're gonna go walk around."</p><p> </p><p>dream gave a thumbs up and a wide smile. "sure, you guys. i'll just stay here and take pictures." he pointed at his phone. "have fun."</p><p> </p><p>with that, george placed his hand on sapnap's bicep and they started strolling through the conservatory. "so?" he prompted, and sapnap sighed.</p><p> </p><p>"you know, dream likes you a lot, george," he began, and though george raised his eyebrow he didn't say anything, "and you guys are really close. i don't mean to... it's just that..." <em>i'm jealous so maybe you should go away? </em>is that what he would say? it sounded pathetic.</p><p> </p><p>thankfully, george seemed to understand what he was getting at. "you're jealous?" he guessed, and sapnap shrugged. "sapnap, you know that no matter how close dream and i get, we'll never be closer than you two? we were just talking about how long you've known him."</p><p> </p><p>"yeah," sapnap said, before laughing. he felt relieved and pathetic all at once. "i don't know why i feel this way. dream and i talked before... it's fine. everything is fine between us." the wording was awkward, but it was true. dream loved him, and he loved dream. what was the problem? "it's just... the way he looks at you... i don't know. it's weird."</p><p> </p><p>when george blushed, guilt flooded through sapnap. he really was dragging george into his own issues now, and he was definitely putting him on the spot. "i'm sure it's nothing, really. besides, even if he was? i'm not interested." he shrugged, fingers tapping against his forearm.</p><p> </p><p>"right. duh." another thing sapnap had failed to consider. "you're not gay."</p><p> </p><p>"no, i am. just not for dream," george said, and sapnap went quiet for a second, before he burst out into laughter. so loud that dream circled back around to them, grinning, hands tucked into his pockets.</p><p> </p><p>"what's so funny?" he asked, and sapnap tried to quell his giggling, which for the most part worked, but he was still smiling wide. yeah, things were okay. "oh, hey! pandas, i actually wanted to show you something."</p><p> </p><p>he grabbed sapnap's arm and dragged him toward one of the corners of the greenhouse. sapnap looked back, and george gave a smile. it seemed a little forced, but what with the shit sapnap had just made him deal with, he understood.</p><p> </p><p>"ta-da!" dream said, voice quieter to avoid scaring off the butterflies. "look." he pointed at a butterfly, sitting primly on a branch, wings moving just a tiny bit ever so often.</p><p> </p><p>and it was prettier than any butterfly sapnap had ever seen; its wings bright orange at the bottom, but its forewings a darker sunset orange, lined with black and with blue dots smack dab in the middle of its wings. <em>wow, </em>sapnap mouthed.</p><p> </p><p>"i think it's a viceroy," dream said, peering at his phone, "i searched it up, just thought it was pretty. it's not supposed to have blue, though, so i don't know what that's about - oof!" he was shut up by sapnap's mouth over his, though he melted into it. "oh."</p><p> </p><p>when sapnap pulled away, he was staring, dumbfounded, then smiled. "<em>oh,</em>" he repeated, with more nuance this time, and sapnap snickered, though it faded away when he felt something on his shoulder. his eyes widened.</p><p> </p><p>the butterfly was sitting there, wings flapping and fluttering against his skin and his shirt. "what the hell," he murmured, careful not to scare it away, "i wasn't even trying to make it - what?" despite his frantic whispers the butterfly stayed unbothered. </p><p> </p><p>"whoa," dream said in awe, eyes shining, "i've been trying for like, ten minutes. lucky you."</p><p> </p><p>he looked to the butterfly, orange and beautiful and just like the sunset shining through in the sky behind them, then to dream, smiling wide. cheeks flushed, hair ruffled. he was really a sight to behold, light spilling out across his head like a halo. </p><p> </p><p>sapnap smiled. "yeah," he said breathlessly. </p><p> </p><p>"lucky me."</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>it was dark when sapnap woke up, and he was beginning to wonder whether he'd ever get a full night's sleep on this road trip.</p><p> </p><p>"hey," someone said, and it took sapnap a moment to realise that it was george, "sapnap? are you awake?"</p><p> </p><p>"i am now," he replied drowsily, careful not to wake up dream, sleeping right next to him. there were two beds, and while george had one all to himself sapnap and dream had to squeeze into the other one (sapnap couldn't say he hated it, with how close dream was to him). "what do you want?"</p><p> </p><p>george shrugged. "i dunno. i woke up and i couldn't go back to sleep." he was kneeling on the floor, wearing a dark blue hoodie with sleeves rolled up to his elbows. "i'm bored. you want to explore the beach town?"</p><p> </p><p>"it's literally one in the morning," sapnap said, and he sat up, yawning. to be fair, he kind of did want to see the place... "why me? why aren't you asking dream?"</p><p> </p><p>at this george shrugged again, folding his arms. "i just thought it'd be cool to get to know you better," he said, although it felt like all sapnap had done on this road trip was talk to george. "when we're not talking about dream, that is."</p><p> </p><p>dream was still fast asleep at sapnap's other side - he'd always been a heavy sleeper, chest rising and falling as sapnap stared at him. he looked back to george, with his wide brown eyes, and nodded. </p><p> </p><p>"okay. let's do it."</p><p> </p><p>george grinned.</p><p> </p><p>soon they were walking down the boardwalk, lights blinking around them. sapnap hadn't bothered to change out of his pajama pants, and neither had george, but the few people there didn't seem to judge</p><p> </p><p>"this is nice," george admitted, taking a deep breath, "i guess beaches aren't so bad. at least, when there's not any sand," he added.</p><p> </p><p>"isn't sand what makes a beach?" sapnap asked, completely genuine, and predictably george shrugged. dream would know this kind of thing, especially when it came to logic. he was the brain cell.</p><p> </p><p>"well then, beaches are nice when i'm not touching the sand," george sniffed, scuffing the tip of his shoe against the wooden panels below them. he turned to the side, eyebrows raising. "are you old enough to drink?"</p><p> </p><p>he was looking to a building that looked like a bar, people talking inside. sapnap flushed. "i'm old enough to date dream," was all he said in reply, deflecting the question. george wasn't dumb enough to fall for it, continuing to stare. "okay, i'm not."</p><p> </p><p>"but you're twenty, right?" george asked, and sapnap nodded. "eh, you know what, that's enough. the drinking age here is twenty-one, right? only a year. you'll be fine." george waved his hand around to reassure sapnap, who wasn't quite sure whether it worked that way, but maybe it was worth a shot.</p><p> </p><p>(heh. shot.)</p><p> </p><p>the bar was warmly lit and thankfully not too loud. bottles of drinks were shelved against the walls, and a dingy television in the corner was playing some sport sapnap didn't bother to look closer at. </p><p> </p><p>they managed to convince the bartender that sapnap was, in fact, twenty-one (the stubble helped), and soon sapnap was holding a shot glass. "i haven't done this in a while," he said, george turning to watch him as he downed it all.</p><p> </p><p>"in a while," george said. the alcohol burned sapnap's throat. he wasn't used to that, but it was... nice. somewhat. "so you have drunk before, then." george lowered his voice. "ooh, sapnap <em>has </em>done something illegal."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap lowered his voice, too. "<em>everybody</em> underage drinks, georgie. stop making a big deal out of it." he drank another one, and this time it went down easier. it really was nice, and he hadn't done this in so long, especially since dream never drank either. "i bet i've drunk more than you."</p><p> </p><p>"eh," george replied as if he doubted it, "i used to go to parties and drink a lot when i was back in, uh, university. i don't do it much anymore, though. definitely not in a while." when sapnap glanced at george, he was flushed under the warm lights.</p><p> </p><p>he raised his eyebrows and laughed, tugging at the ends of his fingers as he held another shot glass. the liquid was clear, and the fuzzy feeling in his head was growing already. "who knew you were such a party animal," he joked, and george blushed even deeper.</p><p> </p><p>this was fine. this was more than fine, actually. it was fun, and now sapnap really was feeling bad for thinking all that shit about george. sapnap looked down and reminded himself not to drink <em>too </em>much - he didn't want to end up hammered at two in the morning.</p><p> </p><p>so, because things never went the way he wanted them to, that's what he did.</p><p> </p><p>who knew how long it had been since they'd gone out? sapnap didn't know, and george probably didn't either. he was considerably less drunk than sapnap was, but his eyes were still droopy. he'd mellowed out quite a bit, too, his usual bitch face replaced by something else that was equally as undecipherable.</p><p> </p><p>"you know, sapnap," he said, "y - you're pretty cool. i know i don't say it too much so i'm saying it now." sapnap laughed, too blurry to fully process what george was saying. "you're cool, sapnap. and i like you a lot."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap giggled. his head was spinning. everything else was hard to see, fading out into the background, until there was nothing left except george's half-lidded dark eyes and red cheeks. "you're pretty cool, too," sapnap slurred, half leaning forward into george's arms, "even though you're always so mean to everyone else..."</p><p> </p><p>"i'm never mean to you," george said, and though his voice still sounded like it was strung together rather than a proper sentence, he seemed genuine. his smile was more sincere than sapnap had ever seen it. </p><p> </p><p>"huh." sapnap tilted his head and thought, finding that george was at least somewhat right. he'd been indifferent, maybe even cold sometimes, but never mean. and not to sapnap specifically. he wondered why. "i guess so. thanks for that." </p><p> </p><p>they were awfully close now, more than what was appropriate. not that either of them noticed. sapnap pressed his nose against george's cheek, and despite its red colour it was cool to the touch. george jumped and turned, bumping their noses against each other.</p><p> </p><p>"it's on purpose, you know," george murmured, and sapnap felt it on his lips. and speaking of lips - george's were pink and nice and they looked <em>soft. </em>they sort of reminded him of dream's. "when i'm not mean to you." </p><p> </p><p>"how..." there was barely anyone left in the bar, and sapnap was afraid if he talked any louder or any clearer his own mouth would meet george's. "how chivalrous of you."</p><p> </p><p>that was exactly what happened.</p><p> </p><p>it was... not good. it was a little terrible, actually, and nothing like kissing dream. where dream was forceful, pushing as sapnap pushed back, george didn't seem to know what he was doing. not entirely, anyway. </p><p> </p><p>somewhere in the back of his mind sapnap knew he shouldn't have been doing this. that he was doing what he'd been worried <em>dream </em>was doing all along. and he knew that he should've pulled away, not wrapped his hand around the back of george's head and pushed him closer. that was the exact opposite of what he was supposed to be doing.</p><p> </p><p>but sapnap had never done what he was supposed to do. dream liked that about him (though sapnap was sure he wouldn't like <em>this</em>).</p><p> </p><p>sapnap had never done what he was supposed to do, and george's lips were so soft.</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>the door slammed shut, and sapnap awoke with a start.</p><p> </p><p>he sat up, and that's when it started - the pounding in his head, terrible and aching. cussing under his breath he pressed the heel of his palm to his forehead, and he couldn't decide whether that made it worse or better.</p><p> </p><p>"you're awake," george said from somewhere to his side, and sapnap groaned as a glass of water was pushed into his hand. "here. drink this. dream's in the bathroom." when sapnap turned to watch him, george's hands were scrunched into the blankets, face twisted into a forced smile. "he has something for you."</p><p> </p><p>everything inside his head was fuzzy. he remembered drinking, talking to george, getting ridiculously drunk... then what happened? did dream find out? how did he even get back to the hotel?</p><p> </p><p>just as he opened his mouth to let the barrage of questions loose, dream stepped out of the bathroom. his hair was wet, and there was a grin on his face. "hey, george. i'm done. i'm gonna talk to sapnap." he winked, which made sapnap even more nervous, somehow.</p><p> </p><p>dream sat down as george scurried into the bathroom to take a shower. there was that incorrigible puppy-dog expression on his face, excited and cheerful. "okay, so." he shifted on the bed, hands starting to flap like they always did. "i know this whole thing with george has been stressing you out, so..." </p><p> </p><p>he whipped out his phone, a picture of some random restaurant banner and a fancy meal laid out on the screen. "i got us a reservation so we could go out on a date! i meant for it to be a dinner thing, but we got back home from the conservatory kind of late, so i thought we'd have it at lunch!"</p><p> </p><p>sapnap smiled, warmth spreading through his chest. but with it came an immense amount of guilt. he still didn't know why. "and... george?" the name left a sour taste in his mouth - he didn't know why that was, either. there were so many things he didn't know.</p><p> </p><p>"he said he'll be fine with us out! it'll only be an hour or two, anyway," dream said. "so? how about it?"</p><p> </p><p>the smile on sapnap's face disappeared as an odd sensation rose up his throat. </p><p> </p><p>"i'm gonna vom."</p><p> </p><p>"oh, sh -"</p><p> </p><p>it was nice and sunny out, birds chirping as they strode down the boardwalk. "yeah, george told me about last night. he said you had a few drinks, right?" it was definitely more than a few drinks. "who knew you were such a lightweight."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap rolled his eyes, swatting dream's finger away from where it was poking his cheek. "i'm not. he was like, way drunker than i was." not that sapnap could remember. "ugh, we've been walking for so long. how far away is this place?"</p><p> </p><p>"be patient, pandas, i swear it's worth it." dream laughed, lacing his arm through sapnap's. "way better than a mcdonalds."</p><p> </p><p>"i'm sure," sapnap scoffed sarcastically, though he fell silent as dream stopped, squeezing sapnap's shoulder. they looked up at the restaurant in front of them, accented with gold. "oh... wow. never mind, you were right."</p><p> </p><p>dream giggled, so different from his usual wheeze that sapnap couldn't help but giggle too. "told you," he said, voice sing-song as he led sapnap into the restaurant. the inside was well-decorated, too, but not too much to make sapnap feel out of place. it was perfect. </p><p> </p><p>"how much did this cost?"</p><p> </p><p>"a lot," dream murmured, before brightening with a wide grin, "but don't worry about it! we're only going to be doing this once on the whole trip, and it's worth it for you." they seated themselves, and sapnap thanked the waiter who came by to give them water.</p><p> </p><p>as he stared at the glass set down in front of him, everything that had happened the night before hit him full-force, like a wave crashing into a shore of sand. george's red, flushed cheeks, his scrunched-up dark eyes, how his hand had felt over sapnap's cheek.</p><p> </p><p>the kiss. god, sapnap had fucked up. so bad.</p><p> </p><p>he was a terrible person. he'd cheated on his boyfriend, then on the very next day said boyfriend took him out to a fancy, nice restaurant. was it his fault? was it george's? did it matter?</p><p> </p><p>of course it did. this was all because of george. was this his plan? to separate sapnap and dream, so he could have the latter all to himself? sapnap wouldn't let it happen. it was sick and twisted and sapnap would be <em>damned </em>if he let it happen.</p><p> </p><p>he wished he could turn back time. go back, back, to when things were okay. say no to george the minute he'd woken sapnap up, asking to go out. even better, say no to the whole road trip. it had only brought him problems, and he'd be so much happier playing minecraft with dream, watching netflix as they snuggled in bed.</p><p> </p><p>everything would be so much better without <em>george.</em></p><p> </p><p>"pandas?" dream said. sapnap looked up. there was concern in his grass green eyes, and love, and undying care. the freckles across the bridge of his nose were prominent in the noon light. he was so beautiful, and so undeserving of all of this. "are you okay?"</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>tell him. tell him. tell him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>sapnap had never done what he was supposed to do, but god, he wanted to. so bad, too much. <em>just do the right thing for once! </em></p><p> </p><p>a forced smile, and a squeeze of his hand.</p><p> </p><p>"yep. everything's fine." </p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>we need to have a talk.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>sapnap was careful not to let dream see his discord, though he was sure dream wouldn't see it either way. they were back on the road - another two-hour drive. the roads were a little rocky, and dream furrowed his eyebrows as the car bumped up and down.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>about what? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>george's reply made sapnap grit his teeth, trying his damnedest not to reach over and punch him in the face right then and there. the only thing stopping him was the fact that dream probably wouldn't be too hot about that idea.</p><p> </p><p><em>you know what about, </em>sapnap texted, before realising that george had been drunk as hell and actually not know. it didn't matter, though. he did it, and he had meant to - and thinking about it was making sapnap angry all over again. <em>we kissed.</em></p><p> </p><p><em>oh. yeah. </em>so george did remember. what a self-centred asshole... <em>i'm sorry.</em></p><p> </p><p>sapnap had to resist the urge to gape at his phone, smiling nervously when dream turned to him with wide, worried eyes. he tapped at the text, as if it would change if he did. it stayed the same.<em> you're sorry? </em>he echoed.</p><p> </p><p>he couldn't decide whether it mellowed him out or made him angrier. it was hard to decipher the bundle of emotions clawing at his heart. when sapnap glanced back at george, he still looked painfully innocent - curled up in his seat, face blank, betraying no emotion as he stared at his phone screen. disgusting.</p><p> </p><p><em>what'll happen when we tell dream? </em>sapnap texted, as george didn't look like he was going to. <em>he's never going to recover, dude. i mean, maybe he will. it's so fucked. </em>he flexed his fingers before adding on: <em>and this is all your fault.</em></p><p> </p><p>the three dots that signaled that george was typing appeared, disappeared, then appeared before disappearing once more. sapnap wanted to look back at him, find out what was taking him so damn long, but he didn't want to look suspicious in front of dream.</p><p> </p><p>finally, the text sent through. <em>well, dream doesn't have to know.</em></p><p> </p><p>a moment passed, and then a moment after that. dream must have assumed he was looking at something funny, because he didn't question it when sapnap laughed out loud, unhinged and shaky. what the fuck was wrong with this guy.</p><p> </p><p><em>are u kidding me? </em>he texted, biting his lip. <em>whats wrong with u. we have to tell him.</em></p><p> </p><p><em>do we have to? think about it. </em>sapnap gave in and glanced back at george, no matter how weird he looked, infuriated to find that george still had that resting bitch face. not even a sign of distress or anything. <em>if we tell dream, he'll probably be angry, and sad, and the road trip will be ruined. if we dont tell him, thats that. he'll never find out, right? and then you guys can be happy again. </em></p><p> </p><p>sapnap furrowed his eyebrows. he had a point, but it made him feel torn up inside. and besides, why was george doing this? trying to convince him? it felt like a step backward if he was trying to break sapnap and dream up.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>and u?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>ill go back to being friends w dream i guess. and youll never have to see me again after this.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>that did sound nice. except it was wrong, wasn't it? to hide the truth, no matter how hurtful it would be? </p><p> </p><p>fuck, he was in a tough situation here. if he told dream, george would get what he probably wanted all along - for them to break up, and then he'd have dream all to himself. it was the right thing to do, the honest thing, but george would win. was that worth it?</p><p> </p><p>if he didn't tell dream? george was right. they would continue on as normal. but it was bad. it was wrong. why did sapnap have to do this to win, to come out on top?</p><p> </p><p>was he the bad guy here?</p><p> </p><p>"hey, i'm gonna go get some chips." in his anger sapnap hadn't even realised that the car had stopped in front of a convenience store. dream was digging in his pocket for his wallet. "you guys want anything? drinks, snacks?"</p><p> </p><p>"can i have a coke?" sapnap asked, jaw still set. maybe a drink would help him feel better, especially since his head was beginning to hurt again. whether it was from the remains of his hangover or the whole george situation, he didn't know. "thanks, babe."</p><p> </p><p>the nickname felt terrible, and sapnap marked that away for things to never say again - not until this was all resolved, anyway. dream nodded, a smile on his face, and the second he closed the car door shut sapnap whipped his head around.</p><p> </p><p>"you really don't want to tell him?" sapnap asked, voice trembling. george shrugged. </p><p> </p><p>"it's up to you in the end," george said, scrunching up his shoulders, "i'll go along with it no matter what. he's <em>your </em>boyfriend, after all." sapnap wished he knew what george felt, what he himself felt. everything was too confusing to describe.</p><p> </p><p>"dream's going to be worried if we keep fighting all the way through the rest of the road trip," sapnap said, and george shrugged again. how fucking infuriating. "he's probably going to figure out that something's wrong between us regardless."</p><p> </p><p>george looked down, lips pressed into a thin line. "then i hope you can act really well, if you decide not to tell him." his voice was sincere, but the words made sapnap want to strangle him. </p><p> </p><p>"i can't do that," sapnap said, and it felt like more of an admission than anything. <em>of course you can't. you can never control your feelings, can you? </em><em>always letting them get the better of you. </em>"i can't stop myself from being jealous. of you... when he looks at you like that."</p><p> </p><p>they'd been through this, time and time again. and sapnap knew - oh, he knew he was being a terrible human being. why did his jealousy of dream even matter at this point? what was he afraid dream would do, kiss george at a bar while drunk and keep it a secret?</p><p> </p><p>oh, wait.</p><p> </p><p>"so stop." george didn't seem to be aware of how emotions worked. sapnap wasn't surprised. "just stop loving him. that would make things much easier, wouldn't it?"</p><p> </p><p>"it's not that easy," sapnap snapped, and there were tears pooling in his eyes. he clenched his fists and turned back toward the front. "love is never that easy."</p><p> </p><p>at this, george sighed, going back to leaning against the door and looking out the window. "yeah. i know."</p><p> </p><p><em>do you, george? </em>sapnap furrowed his eyebrows and turned to look out the window, watching how dream tried to balance his grocery bags, dirty blonde hair ruffled in the sunlight. he was so pure, so good. sapnap didn't deserve him, and neither did george.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>do you?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>sometimes it was obvious how nice being ignorant was. </p><p> </p><p>dream stepped out, stretching, arms criss-crossing behind his head. there was a grin on his face, wide and unbothered. he didn't know. what sapnap would give for that to be him, to be blissfully unaware. </p><p> </p><p>"welcome to miami!" he said, heaving a sigh of relief. it must have been tiring, stuck driving for a few hours every day. sapnap was again reminded of how nice dream was, how lucky he was to have him. how horrible he'd been... "specifically the art deco district."</p><p> </p><p>art deco was right. they were standing in front of a block of buildings - sapnap would hazard a guess that they were normal restaurants and hotels and the like, except they were all shaped weirdly and painted a dozen clashing colours, like the person in charge of designing them had been drunk.</p><p> </p><p>a streak of blue zig-zagged up the building directly in front of them. "what do you guys want to do first?" he asked. "there's a whole shopping district around here, so.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap rubbed the back of his neck, hesitantly walking up to stand next to dream. "is it all designed like this?" </p><p> </p><p>"yeah, sapnap, that's why it's called the art deco history district," dream deadpanned, crossing his arms as they continued to stare down the line of weirdly-shaped buildings and bright neon signs that blinked faintly. </p><p> </p><p>"it was built in the 1920s," george read off of his phone, which was a shame, as sapnap had been appreciating his silence, "after a hurricane devastated the original buildings around this area."</p><p> </p><p>well, it wasn't all bad, as dream's eyes sparkled at the information. maybe george was good for something. "that's so cool," dream said, looking at the district with a new light in his eyes, tapping his finger against his jaw. "building something newer and more beautiful after destruction."</p><p> </p><p>"right," sapnap said, "but was it worth everything destroyed before it?"</p><p> </p><p>dream glanced at sapnap with a slightly surprised look on his face. "i don't know about that, but... what happened happened, and they took the opportunity. that's beautiful enough, i think." </p><p> </p><p><em>when it's buildings, maybe, </em>sapnap thought, crossing his own arms and following after dream as he walked down the pavement, <em>what if it's hearts? what if it's my head and my emotions and my soul?</em></p><p> </p><p>there really wasn't anything beautiful about it. so maybe it wasn't the same scenario.</p><p> </p><p>"it's so hot," george whined, and sapnap rolled his eyes. dream, still completely oblivious to everything going on between the two, just laughed at this.</p><p> </p><p>"that's just how florida is, george," dream said, and george pouted yet again. it was less cute this time. "what, is it cold all the time up in the great united kingdom? please. besides, i'm waiting for sapnap to pick where we want to go. blame him."</p><p> </p><p>too close to home. george grinned. "okay. sapnap, could you please choose something already so we can get out of the heat?" his voice was lofty, like he knew what he was doing. sapnap clenched his fists and tried at a smile.</p><p> </p><p>"of course, george," sapnap said sweetly, looking around at the buildings they walked by. there were a few regular stores that didn't seem too interesting, until. "ooh, is that a cafe? maybe we should go there."</p><p> </p><p>dream perked up. "good choice!" he chirped, and sapnap grinned. they stepped in, hit by a blast of cold air, and dream stretched back his arms as they walked up to the counter. their luck with crowds had seem to run out, as it was overflowed with people, going in and out. neither dream or george seemed to mind, but it made sapnap claustrophobic.</p><p> </p><p>"you know, they say the area looks better at night," dream said, and george hummed in agreement, "or at least, the front part anyway. the one with all the lights? it's nearly four, we can stick around 'til sundown."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap and dream ordered a bunch of pastries to eat, while george settled for a coffee and an energy drink (at the <em>same time</em>; did his evils ever cease?). they walked over to the one table at the very corner which wasn't occupied, though it only had two seats.</p><p> </p><p>as fast as he could sapnap slid into the one chair, smirking smugly at george as dream sat himself on the opposite one. george didn't seem too bothered, angering sapnap for the thousandth time that day. <em>get mad, damn it! feel something for once!</em></p><p> </p><p>his face remained calm, despite the small, obviously pretend pout on his face. "oh, jeez, george," dream said, kind as ever, moving across his seat to press himself against the glass. he patted the rest of the chair space beside him. "here, you can sit with me."</p><p> </p><p>"oh, thanks," george said, sapnap's eyes trailing after him as he sat next to dream on the same chair. thighs pressed together, shoulder-to-shoulder. george was so small he was able to fit perfectly onto the chair even with dream on it.</p><p> </p><p>"you were right," dream started, distracting sapnap from how much he wanted to give george a good smacking with his fist, "it really is a hot day out, honestly. even for florida standards. i'm sweating even from here. we should do something to cool down after this?"</p><p> </p><p>george sipped at his iced coffee and nodded. "like what?" sapnap asked, leaning forward as he dug into his piece of cake. dream shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>"dunno. i've never been here before. pretty big place, though, i'm sure we'll find something." he scratched the back of his neck. "ice skating? eh, kind of basic. hey, do you guys think there are any swimming pools in the hotel around here?"</p><p> </p><p>"swimming sounds nice," george said, "oh... but i, uh, didn't pack my shorts."</p><p> </p><p>"you can borrow mine!" dream offered, all too excited to help. sapnap ate another piece of cake to distract himself from dream's adorable, infuriating puppy-dog eyes. "they'll be a little big, but i'm sure they'll do, right? sapnap, how's it sound?"</p><p> </p><p>he looked up, red velvet in his mouth. "uh - about the swimming? yeah, yeah, sure. that sounds nice, especially in the heat." sapnap hated to admit it, but george had been right - it really was damn hot. even the glass was warm.</p><p> </p><p>"so it's settled! we'll go swimming!" dream clapped his hands together before faltering. "aww, but that means we won't get to see this place at night. not unless we spend a really short time swimming... hm." he chewed his pastry, clearly let down.</p><p> </p><p>"we can just go at night," sapnap suggested. despite everything, he still hated seeing his boyfriend upset. "it probably won't be as cool as the sunset, but it'll be nice."</p><p> </p><p>dream chewed some more, drumming his fingers against the table. "that sounds cool! i bet the neon lights will look really cool then." he scraped up the rest of his pastry just as george finished his energy drink. "george, why do you drink them at the same time? that'd disgusting."</p><p> </p><p>"thank you! i was waiting for you to point it out," sapnap said, and george rolled his eyes, though there was a small smile on his face.</p><p> </p><p>"it's good once you get over the weirdness of it," george explained, and to sapnap's relief dream stuck his tongue out in disgust. "for real. guys, you're so - mean. why are you guys so mean?"</p><p> </p><p>they were already going back to how they once were - dream wheezing, george being a whiny brat. even sapnap was laughing as he fiddled with the straw of his soda. they were good together, all three of them, in their personalities.</p><p> </p><p>it was a shame george had to ruin everything.</p><p> </p><p>in another universe, maybe george wouldn't shove himself into somewhere he didn't belong. they were just friends, and good ones. maybe in another universe they would've liked each other more.</p><p> </p><p>it wasn't sapnap's fault that universe was a long gone possibility now.</p><p> </p><p>"sapnap, are you done?" dream asked, looking to sapnap's cake, with only a few bites left in it. "it's already around five. we should try to hurry this all up, if we wanna go swimming before it's totally dark."</p><p> </p><p>the sky was getting a little darker already, sapnap had to admit, so he finished the rest of his food and his coffee. he followed dream out the door. "the hotel's just this way," dream pointed out, rolling the sleeves of his green hoodie up to his elbows. "at least it's cooling down."</p><p> </p><p>"still kinda hot," george groaned, and sapnap rolled his eyes. they made their way to the hotel, coloured pastel shades and with neon lights surrounding it. a mish-mash of aesthetics that somehow worked. </p><p> </p><p>dream stepped in, going up to check into a room while sapnap and george (mostly sapnap) hefted their luggage from the trunk of the car. "why do we take it out every time?" george asked as they dragged the bags in. "if we're only staying one night.</p><p> </p><p>"hey, if you want to wear the same set of clothes all night, be my guest," sapnap said, not wanting to admit that george had a point. george just blinked. "that's what i thought. hey, dream! have you checked in yet?"</p><p> </p><p>"yep!" he said, popping the p and spinning the keycard around between his fingers. "don't get too settled in yet, though. we're still going swimming, remember? and we gotta go quick if we want to make it. getting quite dark already." </p><p> </p><p>it was thirty to six, according to sapnap's phone. they dumped off their bags in the room and soon they were by the side of the swimming pool, surprisingly vacant. the water was clear but the pool itself was fairly small, and when dream jumped into it without a second thought sapnap yelped at the coldness.</p><p> </p><p>he flopped around until managing to set into a rhythm of floating, staring up at sapnap. "it's not that bad," he said, grinning. sapnap dipped his toes in the water, shivering. "come on, get in here. pussy."</p><p> </p><p>"not," sapnap snapped, running his fingers through the water. "it's cold."</p><p> </p><p>"fine, i'll just torment george instead," dream said, resigned, before submerging into the water and reappearing on the other side. his shorts really were quite big on george, but they'd managed to tie the string as tight as possible. "oh georgie..."</p><p> </p><p>"it's cold," was all george said, and dream frowned. "sorry, dream, i'm not going in there, whether or not y - dream!"</p><p> </p><p>dream wrapped his arms around george's leg and before sapnap could process it he pulled george into the water with a big splash, spraying sapnap with water. george was yelling, flopping around like an octopus who didn't know how to swim, and dream was trying his best to steady him, big hands wrapped around george's lean waist.</p><p> </p><p>it didn't seem to bother dream too much though, although water got in his eyes, and he laughed as george tried desperately to get dream to let go of him. watching george was like watching a cat pushed into a tub of water.</p><p> </p><p>when sapnap slid into the pool himself, withstanding the freezing water, dream didn't even seem to notice. he just kept wheezing at george, who had calmed down considerably but was still pouting as he tried to keep himself afloat.</p><p> </p><p>like sapnap was invisible. it reminded him too much of how he used to feel - like no one loved him, or saw him, or even cared. dream had always been so brave and loud and funny - he still was - casting sapnap into shadow.</p><p> </p><p>but dream loved him, right? that was enough. it didn't matter what anybody else thought, it only mattered what dream thought. and he'd loved sapnap. he always had, and as long as he did it would be okay.</p><p> </p><p>except now, everything was changing. going back to the way things used to be. sapnap wasn't even sure if dream loved him anymore. he definitely wouldn't if george or sapnap ever told him about what had happened.</p><p> </p><p>terrible. he was a terrible person. dream had saved him, loved him, and this is what sapnap gave in return? no matter how he twisted it, dream didn't deserve this. not after everything he'd done for sapnap.</p><p> </p><p>he submerged himself into the water, holding his breath, watching dream and george's legs kick and intertwine with the other's. completely by accident, probably, but it made sapnap want to tear george's heart out and then his own.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap sighed, eyes burning, and wished the pool was the sea, so it could carry him away.</p><p> </p><p>at least then it would all be over.</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>sapnap's eyes fluttered open, blinking blearily at the face hovering above him. "mmh..?" he murmured as dream laughed. "dream? what, 'm sleepy."</p><p> </p><p>"yeah, i can tell, pandas. but you know how we were planning to see the district at night?" sapnap sat up, rubbing at his eyes. george was standing next to dream, hand barely brushing against dream's arm. when sapnap looked at him, george flashed a small smile. ugh.</p><p> </p><p>"it really is pretty," george offered, brushing back a strand of hair behind his ear, "the lights are cool. you sure you don't want to see it? we probably won't get a chance to tomorrow, since we'll be on the road again and all..."</p><p> </p><p>for a second sapnap considered it - the buildings would look cool, with the neon signs shining in the darkness and against the pitch-black sky - but his eyelids felt all too heavy, and he didn't feel like dealing with the guilty, unloved feeling again.</p><p> </p><p>"i'm tired," sapnap said, head dropping against his pillow, arm snaking around below it. "maybe i'll go later at night."</p><p> </p><p>"you sure?" dream asked, concerned. he cared. he wanted sapnap to come along. it just made his heart hurt all the more. "it's already nine, probably wouldn't be safe to go out alone later."</p><p> </p><p>he sighed, other hand coming up to pat dream reassuringly on his hand. despite the worry in his face, dream laughed again. "i'm sure. you and george go out and have fun." </p><p> </p><p>dream was trustworthy. he wasn't going to get drunk and kiss george. and even if he did, maybe it wouldn't be so bad, because at least then sapnap wouldn't be the only horrible person in the relationship. at least then they'd all be fucked-up. just one big fucked-up kind-of polycule.</p><p> </p><p>wouldn't that be funny as hell. or at least a little bit ironic.</p><p> </p><p>the sound of the door clicking shut reached sapnap, and he sighed, rolling over in bed. it was still a little bright, light coming from the bathroom door, which was slightly open. he was too lazy to get up and close it, and he liked it like this, anyway. easier to drift away, letting the sound of the ac blasting fade into white noise.</p><p> </p><p>when he woke up for a second time, he was alone. again. his phone buzzed, screen painfully bright in the darkness. sapnap made a notepad, pencil, and water bottle fall off the bedside table before he was able to grab it.</p><p> </p><p>a discord message from george, because of course it was. nothing good ever happened to him anymore.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>we really should tell him, you know.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>sapnap tossed the phone away, letting it slide against the table. he didn't care whether the screen cracked. what a stupid message. <em>we really should tell him, you know. </em>sapnap <em>did </em>know. </p><p> </p><p>arguably, that was the worst part.</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>george's alarm was the most annoying thing in the world.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap would describe it, but that would require him to know what it was. the sound was some combination of cheery, happy default ringtone music and something that sounded like a distorted version of a child messing around on bongo cat. </p><p> </p><p>the first time sapnap had complained, the very first morning of the road trip, george had explained that dream had made it for him. which at least explained the horrendousness of it - dream was cool, but he had no business mixing music (if it could be called music) - though he didn't explain why dream was making an alarm ringtone for him.</p><p> </p><p>was that something you did for just your friend? dream had never made <em>sapnap </em>an alarm ringtone...</p><p> </p><p>point was: george's alarm sound was terrible.</p><p> </p><p>and sapnap had the extreme misfortune to have it blasting in his ears.</p><p> </p><p>"eugh!" he yelped, awaking with a start. his legs flailed, and he was pretty sure he'd accidentally elbowed george in the gut. "get that thing away from my ear! i don't ever want to hear that sound again, god. and i mean it this time."</p><p> </p><p>george laughed and managed to shut it off (though sapnap was sure he'd taken a minute longer than he usually would, just to mess with him). "dream was freaking out just now," he said, sitting down next to sapnap, who recoiled but didn't say anything. "it's already one. he's worried we'll be off-schedule."</p><p> </p><p>"probably will be," sapnap said, momentarily forgetting he was supposed to be angry at george, "it doesn't show, but dream can be pretty meticulous like that. i procrastinate a lot, so that helps." he smiled. "did you guys stay up late last night?"</p><p> </p><p>"we came back at around eleven, i think," george said, drumming his fingers against his thigh, "didn't do much, honestly. we saw the lights, then we went to this cool cafe. then he bought some stuff for you or something." he blinked. "oops. dunno if i was supposed to say that."</p><p> </p><p>"he bought stuff for me?" sapnap asked, trying not to get his hopes up too much. "that's... so sweet. i really don't deserve him."</p><p> </p><p>george hummed. "i don't know about that... hey, you should really tell him. it's just - he's going to find out eventually, and the longer you wait, the worse it gets. right? i'm sure he'll understand."</p><p> </p><p>"i don't know if you need a reminder, but you're the one who suggested keeping it a secret, georgie." sapnap crossed his arms, unwilling to look at george's face. he'd probably deck it if he stared too long, anyway. "wait, how is he going to find out? did you tell him?"</p><p> </p><p>the silence had sapnap nervous, but finally, george shook his head. "no, i just feel like... i changed my mind, i guess. it's good to be honest with your partner. just wouldn't want that on my mind if i were the one dating him." sapnap rolled his eyes at the thought. of course george was imagining that. "but it's your choice."</p><p> </p><p>"it is my choice, and my choice is that dream won't find out about this." george looked down, mouth pulling down just a little but still inexplicably and irritatingly void of emotion. "and if i find out you do..." he tensed, before sighing. "just don't, okay?"</p><p> </p><p>"fine," george conceded, standing up and stepping away just as the bathroom door swung open. dream walked out, water dripping down his arms, and waved at the both of them.</p><p> </p><p>"sappy! you're awake!" it was rare that dream called him <em>sappy, </em>but the nickname made sapnap flush anyway, warmth in his cheeks. "you should probably shower real quick. it's already really late, and we're going to the wynwood walls, so if we want to make it to fort lauderdale in time we gotta go quick."</p><p> </p><p>he seemed to relax a bit when george patted his shoulder. "dream, relax. we'll be there in time." when he turned to sapnap, his nose wrinkled. "although you should probably take a shower... for other reasons, sapnap."</p><p> </p><p>the urge to deck george came back with a vengeance, but sapnap just grumbled and walked into the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>late at night he'd thought that maybe today would be better, but it really wasn't shaping up to be.</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>"the wynwood walls," dream explained, fingers tapping against his steering wheel, "are exactly what they sound like. they're a bunch of walls with art painted on them. sounds pretty boring, i know, but i promise you they're cool." he grinned. "we'll only be spending around an hour there, anyway."</p><p> </p><p>"then we're on our way to fort lauderdale," george deadpanned, finger twirling near his head. "you've gone over it like a hundred times already, dream."</p><p> </p><p>dream smiled sheepishly. "yeah, yeah, sorry. i just... like thinking out loud. besides, i'm sure sapnap hasn't heard it yet." <em>yeah, you stupid piece of shit, stop thinking about yourself for once. </em>"we've been driving for an hour now, we should be almost there."</p><p> </p><p>he glanced at the gps on his phone, taking a right turn. "i can't believe you need a map to navigate your own state," george said, bending his legs, knees flat against the car dashboard.</p><p> </p><p>"whoa, first of all, states are big," dream said, taking another turn, "i've never even been to miami, okay, shut your yap. i don't know my way around here." george was laughing now, though sapnap didn't see anything funny about what was happening. "so disrespectful to your host."</p><p> </p><p>"host," george said in a teasing voice, and sapnap opened his mouth to respond when the car screeched to a stop. </p><p> </p><p>with a look out the window, dream smiled. it seemed a little forced, a little too wide - sapnap would know - but he was sure it was nothing. dream didn't know. he couldn't know, unless george had been lying.</p><p> </p><p>(add that to his repertoire: relationship ruiner, asshole, filthy liar...)</p><p> </p><p>"this is the place!" he said, stepping out, slamming the car door shut behind him, unusually forceful. sapnap looked to george, who just shrugged. "sky's beginning to look a little dark... maybe we should hurry it up? it might rain."</p><p> </p><p>"it's better than the heat," george said, stepping out too. when he noticed sapnap, unmoving in his seat, he tilted his head. "...sapnap? are you okay?" no response, and sapnap scrunched his fingers into his pants before sighing.</p><p> </p><p>george looked surprised when sapnap got up, like he wasn't expecting what he'd said to work. "'m fine," sapnap said, shoving past george. he walked up to stand next to dream, who was grinning up at the walls, built into the ground, covered in paint and beautiful patterns.</p><p> </p><p>even sapnap, in his subpar mood, had to admit that they were pretty. swirls of bright colour, a dozen different shades that should have clashed but somehow worked, just like the district they'd been to. maybe that was a hallmark of miami - sapnap wouldn't know.</p><p> </p><p>"pretty nice, right?" dream said, wrapping his arm around sapnap's shoulder, fingers brushing through his black hair. when sapnap looked back, george was nowhere to be seen. just the two of them. </p><p> </p><p>it should've been nice. wasn't this all sapnap had wanted? for them to be alone, without george, to go back to how they used to be? and it would be, probably, if it weren't for the terrible queasiness in sapnap's stomach. the terrible feeling was back - in his chest, in his head. a thunderstorm behind his eyes that made him ache.</p><p> </p><p>"kind of funny, isn't it?" dream's hand was on the small of his back now, and it made sapnap flutter. "it's all so abstract. it looks like splashes of paint, that's what i used to think, but when you actually try to do it..." he grinned. nervous, sheepish. "comes out all wonky."</p><p> </p><p>"so how is it funny?" sapnap asked, wrapping his hands around dream's arm. he was big, but dream was way taller, with more than a few inches on both him and george. it had always been comforting, the way dream covered him so easily.</p><p> </p><p>he shrugged. "it's like the district before, i guess. something that looks weird or easy at first, but is way prettier underneath. does that make sense?" sapnap nodded like he understood. "you can find beauty in anything. just think that's nice, is all."</p><p> </p><p>that was true, though sapnap supposed it didn't apply to... <em>anything. </em>a lot of things, sure. but this road trip? everything that had happened? there was nothing beautiful in it. moments in time that were nice, but everything else had ruined it. you could find beauty in a lot of things, sure, but there was an ugliness in it, too.</p><p> </p><p>and like dye dripping into water, the second it appeared, it stained. it stayed. it spread. it made everything around it dirty and broken and terrible, until what beauty was left would be consumed, too.</p><p> </p><p>it was cynical, but it was also personal experience. from this, anyway.</p><p> </p><p>well, dream was holding him right now. just like he used to. maybe that was beautiful, in a way.</p><p> </p><p>they walked around the walls, past the bright murals, dream's fingers still tapping away at his back. "not a lot of people here," sapnap commented, which was an understatement - there really was no one else around. </p><p> </p><p>"well, it's about to rain, so that makes sense." as if on cue, a drop of rain landed in dream's outstretched palm. "yeah. like george said, at least it's better than the heat." he tucked his hands into his hoodie pockets and sighed.</p><p> </p><p>"we should probably get back to the car before it really starts to come down," sapnap suggested. it was a shame they couldn't spend time here for longer, but if it made the weight in his heart lessen, that he didn't mind being out of here. "dream."</p><p> </p><p>"no," dream said, and sapnap took a sharp breath. everything was going too good, why was he surprised? hadn't he been expecting this? sapnap didn't know what he'd been expecting, but it was something. some sort of downfall.</p><p> </p><p>this was it.</p><p> </p><p>"i..." dream's voice was shaky, and when he looked up, sapnap was surprised to see tears in his eyes. seeing him cry made sapnap's own eyes sting. "i'm so sorry, sapnap." </p><p> </p><p>"sorry... for what?" sapnap asked, though he was sure he wouldn't like the answer.</p><p> </p><p>dream smiled, and it was like a heart being shattered into pieces. whose, sapnap didn't quite know. </p><p> </p><p>"last night... i kissed george, sapnap."</p><p> </p><p>oh, well. wasn't that all too fucked up.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap's mouth dropped open, and he wasn't too sure how to respond. the tears in his eyes grew more prominent until vaguely he realised he really was crying, tracking down his face. it hurt. it hurt so bad, like the water was carving into his skin. </p><p> </p><p>or maybe that was just his heart.</p><p> </p><p>whichever it was, he wanted it to stop. he wanted it to end here. he wanted to turn back time and tell george to stay away while he could, before dream got too attached. years back, so george could stay out of their lives for good. disaster prevention - dream would understand.</p><p> </p><p>would it work? he wanted to believe it would, but maybe it was fate. maybe dream and george were the soulmates sapnap had always though him and dream to be. them versus the world.</p><p> </p><p>but maybe not. maybe it was inevitable that george was <em>there</em>, that george was so pretty and likeable and funny. so that dream would have no choice to fall in love with him. if sapnap had tried to push them away, would they draw back, like magnets, like the pull of the sun and the earth?</p><p> </p><p>was sapnap always destined to be a third wheel? invisible?</p><p> </p><p>he realised dream was still waiting for a response, biting his lip nervously. sapnap almost said <em>what, you too? </em>it would be funny. maybe. he didn't know what was what anymore.</p><p> </p><p>"you..." sapnap started wiping at his eyes. his throat felt dry. the rain was starting to drizzle, sky much darker as drops of water came down on them faster. they mingled with his tears, and the coolness felt nice on sapnap's hot skin. the only thing that felt nice anymore. "why?"</p><p> </p><p>"i - i don't know." dream's voice broke, hoarse and scratchy despite the fact he hadn't been saying much at all. "i like him a lot, sapnap. i can't help it, and i hate it." he was still smiling, but it was full of pain. "i'm sorry. i'm sorry i'm such a bad boyfriend, and a terrible person, and i -"</p><p> </p><p>"it's okay," sapnap said hollowly, and dream stopped. "it's okay," he repeated, thumbing at the tears on dream's cheeks. "dream, i... this is gonna sound real stupid, but... i did, too. i kissed him, too." he rubbed at his face as it sank into dream, laughing. still so hollow, still feeling like every breath he took was torture. "funny how it works, huh?"</p><p> </p><p>dream's eyes - so green, so bright, even now - darted around, like he was trying to decide whether sapnap was joking. "when? why?" the smile was gone. </p><p> </p><p>"the night before we left for here. miami." dream wrapped his arms around himself. the rain came down harder. sapnap's hair was wet. "i... i don't like him. <em>dream. </em>i still don't. i hate him. it's okay, i forgive you, he just -"</p><p> </p><p>"<em>you </em>forgive <em>me</em>?" dream said wondrously, like he was confused, or amazed at sapnap's audacity. either one. "that was days ago! you had today, and yesterday, and - you never told me? were you ever going to?"</p><p> </p><p>he faltered. "dream, i was -"</p><p> </p><p>"were you going to tell me, sapnap?" dream asked again, as if he were piecing everything together. it didn't make sense. there was no puzzle, it was all straightforward. george had ruined everything. this was all his fault.</p><p> </p><p>wasn't it?</p><p> </p><p>"no," he breathed, and dream took a step back, remaining emotionless like he'd expected that. "no, i - i wasn't. but dream, i was - i was drunk! when i kissed him. and it was george who suggested that i keep it a secret from you -"</p><p> </p><p>"you weren't drunk when you decided to keep it a secret," dream whispered, and that was when sapnap realised he was angry. at sapnap. this was all wrong - he wasn't supposed to be angry at him. "and stop blaming shit on george! take responsibility, sapnap! weren't you the one talking to me about responsibility?"</p><p> </p><p>"you don't understand. i was trying to keep you... safe! and happy! because i care about you, and i knew you would be upset if you knew." his wet hair clung to his forehead, and his clothes were soaked, but sapnap didn't care. not anymore.</p><p> </p><p>"there is so much wrong with that, sapnap, you know that, right?" he wiped his eyes. he did know. he did know that this was fucked-up, and dream had every right to be angry, but god it felt so much easier to pretend that he was in the right. that he was the victim. that george was the villain here, and not just someone who fell in love.</p><p> </p><p>falling in love was all too natural. no one could hate him for that. and he couldn't hate dream, either.</p><p> </p><p>who was there left to hate, then? himself? he'd been doing that his whole life. he deserved a change. not like this, though. never like this.</p><p> </p><p>"look, i'm not gonna -" dream took a shaky breath, "- i'm not gonna pretend i was in the right entirely either, okay? because i know i'm not. but at least i was honest. at least i told you, sap. you were just lying. how could you do that?" </p><p> </p><p>he would never forget what this looked like. he'd never get the feeling out, tangled in the barb wire of his mind and his heart, no matter how hard he tried. he'd never see the wynwood walls the same. even the rain would make him want to cry.</p><p> </p><p>maybe he deserved it.</p><p> </p><p>"i'm sorry," was all sapnap could say.</p><p> </p><p>"me too, sapnap," dream said, voice hollow, pushing past sapnap, like he had nothing left to give, like it was all sapnap's now. he had it all - he'd had it all - and he'd thrown it all away. "i'm sorry, too." </p><p> </p><p>no, there definitely wasn't anything beautiful about this.</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>rain slammed against the windows, sliding against the glass. dream hadn't said anything since he'd walked away, but sapnap had sat in the backseat anyway. he didn't want to look dream in the eye, either. </p><p> </p><p>"you ruined everything," sapnap breathed, fingers scratching against his wet pants. he was dripping water all over the leather seats, and george was looking straight forward like sapnap was too much of a sight to bear. "you ruined everything. are you happy now? you got what you wanted."</p><p> </p><p>george looked down, and he almost looked sorry for once. almost.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>fuck you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>dream's voice echoed in his head. <em>and stop blaming shit on george! take responsibility, sapnap!</em></p><p> </p><p>but it hurt too much, and it was easier this way. easier to gather up all the blame and pin it on the man sitting next to him, looking so desolate as his hands crossed on his lap, hair over his eyes as he furrowed his eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>"this was never what i wanted."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap had not reply to that, wondering whether george was lying, or whether he was telling the truth. it was impossible to tell, and he supposed he couldn't judge. he was a liar too, after all, and he'd been keeping secrets far worse.</p><p> </p><p>it didn't matter whether george had caused all of this, because it was sapnap who'd messed everything up in the end.</p><p> </p><p>george may have been a liar, but sapnap was one, too. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>takes one to know one.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>sapnap woke up to the cool wind brushing through his hair, yawning as he rubbed at his eyes. the sunroof had been opened, and when he looked up, he could see the black expanse of sky, with stars twinkling above.</p><p> </p><p>dream hadn't bothered to go to a hotel. he'd pulled over at the side of the road, locked the car doors, kicked his feet up, and told them to go to sleep. if it were any other day sapnap would have protested. he felt terrible and dirty in his dried-off, stiff clothes.</p><p> </p><p>but it wasn't just any other day. so he let it go.</p><p> </p><p>when he glanced back, george was still lying down in the backseat, cheek pressed against the slightly moist leather. he hadn't complained about dream's decision, either, though sapnap suspected that was more out of contentment rather than fear. </p><p> </p><p>for a moment sapnap felt a shot of remorse go through him, because maybe george didn't deserve this. just being friends with dream had dragged him into all this, like collateral damage. that wasn't right.</p><p> </p><p>then sapnap remembered <em>everything, </em>and he didn't feel so sorry anymore. </p><p> </p><p>someone shifted on top of the car, causing the metal to creak, and that was when sapnap realised the car seat next to him was empty. dream's shoes and his hoodie were there, but dream himself was nowhere to be seen.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap clambered up, poking his head out the sunroof. dream was sitting on the roof, in only a black shirt and jeans, bare feet pressed against the cold steel. his dirty blond hair was ruffled in the wind, slight creases under his eyes. he wasn't smiling, and he didn't give even a look to sapnap.</p><p> </p><p>"dream?" his voice was quiet, small, and dream didn't say anything, just closed his eyes. "can i - are we over? like, really? is this it?" sapnap tried his hardest to stop his fingers from scratching against the car roof. "after everything?"<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>"i don't know," dream said, and his voice was so painfully honest and raw. like a wire with no protection, crackling, sizzling, like if sapnap touched him he'd be hurt. well, more hurt than he already was.</p><p> </p><p>"do you hate me?"</p><p> </p><p>"i don't know."</p><p> </p><p>with a sigh sapnap realised that dream was too tired to talk about anything. not that he was obligated to, sapnap just... wanted that. he wanted so many things. too many things. and that meant one more question.</p><p> </p><p>"are you - you're not going to date george, right?" he asked, and dream closed his eyes again, almost in pain. "i know it's unfair of me, but - i don't want you too. maybe i'm selfish. i want you all to myself. and especially not with him."</p><p> </p><p>words were just flowing out of his mouth like a waterfall and there were too many to stop. dream sighed.</p><p> </p><p>"you're right, sapnap. that is selfish." he heaved yet another sigh. "but... no. probably not. i'm not ready for that yet, not after all this." dream turned, face away from sapnap as if he couldn't bear to look at him.</p><p> </p><p>"promise?" he sounded like a child, so naive and hopeful. sapnap didn't deserve an answer, but sometimes you wanted things you didn't deserve.</p><p> </p><p>dream looked at sapnap, eyes full of pity.</p><p> </p><p>"i don't have to promise you anything."</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>"i remember when we went to a mcdonalds at the beginning of the trip," george said, fingers tapping against the table incessantly. sapnap wanted to lean over the table and grab him by the wrist just so he would <em>stop, </em>but he didn't. "funny how things come around, right?"</p><p> </p><p>"what the hell does that mean?" sapnap retorted, and george cast him a weird look. there was half a cup of coca cola in his hand, and he was sipping away at it like nothing was wrong. like everything was okay. <em>nothing </em>was okay, and it was all george's fault. "are you saying i - deserved this?"</p><p> </p><p>his voice faltered. maybe he did. </p><p> </p><p>no, there was no maybe about it. sapnap did deserve this, period. he'd been a terrible person and a terrible boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?), and he'd lied. to dream, and to himself. at least he hadn't lied to george - maybe george was the only one he'd really been honest with, from the start.</p><p> </p><p>he was right. it <em>was </em>funny how the world worked. how the person he hated was the only person he had left, the only person still willing to put up with sapnap. <em>why? </em>sapnap found himself thinking as he stared at george, <em>why are you still here?</em></p><p> </p><p>"i never said that!" george said defensively, combing his fingers through his hair. "i just meant... so much has changed. it's weird. i don't even know what dream thinks of me now."</p><p> </p><p>"probably just the same," sapnap said, the words coming out harsher than he'd meant them. he chewed on his fry, and it went down like rocks in his throat. no eating for him, then. "you're still his golden boy. you're still the person who he fell in love with instead of me."</p><p> </p><p>god, he was so pathetic. sitting at an empty mcdonalds in cape canaveral, fluorescent lights flickering above him, heart broken into a million pieces. "you got what you wanted," sapnap continued, voice bitter, "now you two can go be a happy couple and leave me behind."</p><p> </p><p>"you keep saying that, i don't think you know what it means." sapnap looked up at george, hair messier than it usually was. "i never meant to do this, alright? it was all a mistake. this was a mistake - this road trip." he sighed. "i'm sorry, sapnap. that i can't give you the answer you want."</p><p> </p><p>"<em>the answer i want?</em>"</p><p> </p><p>"yeah, right? you're expecting some kind of speech about how this was all my evil plan, to make you sad and break my best friend's heart? it wasn't. it never was. and if i could undo it all i would." george crossed his arms. "but... i can't."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap pressed. "so why?" he said, fingers grasping at the edge of the table. george's furrowed eyebrows, the way he bit his lip - he was feeling something. good. for once. sapnap wanted to see him break. "why did you do it?"</p><p> </p><p>"do what?"</p><p> </p><p>"kiss me!" sapnap yelled, and he had the urge to laugh at how ridiculous he probably sounded. "kiss him! everything would be okay if none of that had ever happened! and don't play the drunk card, either, you weren't when you were with him. and you were definitely less drunk than i was." he was standing now, stomach pressed against the table. "so why?"</p><p> </p><p>george stammered, flustered, struggling for an answer. "it doesn't matter now. not anymore. everything's gone to shit, anyway."</p><p> </p><p>what a bullshit excuse. "no! i want to know!" sapnap said, and his teeth were bared and he felt heat rushing through him, his heart thumping in his chest and beating in his ears, all self-control replaced by the need for justice - for someone to<em> blame</em>. "why did you do it?"</p><p> </p><p>"i - you - it was dream, okay! he was the one who - i don't know - leaned in - and i didn't know what to do. i was just - shocked. and i know i could've said no but i was just so confused, and..." george's shoulders drooped. </p><p> </p><p>"and me?" his voice cracked. "what's the excuse with me, george?"</p><p> </p><p>"that's not for you to know," george said, nails scratching against his forehead, and sapnap gritted his teeth, the heat in his chest growing stronger. like a flame, a spark, ready to explode and consume him and his heart whole. he'd welcome it.</p><p> </p><p>but not before this. not before he found out why exactly his life had went to shit because goddamn it, if there was one thing he needed - one thing left he wanted that he could <em>get</em>... it was this.</p><p> </p><p>"not for me to know?" sapnap wrapped his arms around himself. "i deserve to know! because you came into dream's life and my life and you ruined <em>everything!</em>" he was shouting now, glad that there was no one else around to hear. "i'm not leaving before i get an answer."</p><p> </p><p>he wanted the truth. he wanted george to be honest, the one thing he couldn't bring himself to be. what an asshole he was. what a hypocrite.</p><p> </p><p>"you were - you, sapnap, and i couldn't..." he scrunched his eyes shut, and there was silence after that. even when george opened his eyes, he kept his mouth closed, searching for words to explain himself that didn't exist.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap just glared and dropped back into his seat, all the energy running out of him. "okay," he said, admitting defeat, "okay. i'm done, george. you won. are you at least happy?"</p><p> </p><p>"no i'm fucking not," george retorted, and it caught sapnap off-guard. he laughed, sounding sad and almost unhinged. like he was on the verge of tears, except george never cried. sapnap doubted he felt anything at all. "won? you think this is a game, some kind of competition or power play? you and me fighting over dream? well, it wasn't. maybe you always wanted to win, sapnap, but i never did."</p><p> </p><p>his shoulders slumped down, and he took a step back. for the first time in... maybe for the first time, ever, george really did look broken.</p><p> </p><p>"i only ever wanted you."</p><p> </p><p>sapnap looked down, the words sinking into him like a weight into water. "oh," was all he said.</p><p> </p><p>"yeah. oh. do you get it now? this is your answer." and what an answer it was. "i'm in love with you, sapnap."</p><p> </p><p>he let out a breath, one he didn't even know he was holding. "well." despite everything, a laugh managed to bubble up from sapnap's chest to his throat. searching for relief, any crumb of happiness or normalcy. "that's just fucked up, isn't it."</p><p> </p><p>"i know." george laughed, too. like he'd known all along. of course he did. of course. "what kind of tragedy, am i right?"</p><p> </p><p>no one left to blame, then. like it had been all along. first there was dream, then george, but now he was alone. george hadn't done anything wrong. it was sapnap, all sapnap. he couldn't bring himself to hate anyone who had just fallen in love.</p><p> </p><p>he'd fallen in love, too, hadn't he? would it have been better if it were george all along, with dark hair and dark eyes and pale skin? would they have been happier that way? would they be a romance instead of... whatever tragedy this was?</p><p> </p><p>dream had fallen in love, too. not just with george, but with sapnap. it had been true - for a little while, it had been. he'd seen it in dream's eyes, the way he looked at sapnap, the way he kissed his cheek when he was about to fall asleep, whispering <em>i love you.</em></p><p> </p><p>it was undeniable - dream had loved sapnap. but not enough, he supposed.</p><p> </p><p>or maybe he just loved george more. </p><p> </p><p>"this..." sapnap licked his lips. "please... stop. i feel..." <em>terrible. </em><em>pathetic. </em>"just... stop. being in love with me. please." <em>i just want things to be okay again. </em>"you should stop loving me, and love dream instead, and you guys will be a great couple and at least then someone will be happy."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>always the third wheel. always invisible.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"you know, sapnap... someone once told me love's never that easy."</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>the car slowed to a stop in front of their house. their house, their home. at least something stayed the same through it all.</p><p> </p><p>except maybe that wasn't true, because when sapnap jammed the key into the lock and turned the handle and stepped in - it was different. like it knew, somehow. the figures on the shelves, the books on the tables. they weren't <em>theirs </em>anymore, just his or dream's.</p><p> </p><p>"you have... a nice place," george said, hesitantly, and sapnap snorted. </p><p> </p><p>"thanks," was all dream said, voice dead and flat, like he didn't actually consider it a compliment. he shoved past sapnap to rearrange a few things on his desk, throwing them into his bag. "sapnap, you stay here, alright? i'm gonna go drive george to the airport."</p><p> </p><p>"um... i'm not going to come?" sapnap asked, though he knew it was stupid.</p><p> </p><p>dream turned to him impassively. "do you want to come?" he snapped.</p><p> </p><p>"not... really."</p><p> </p><p>"so don't. i'll be back soon."</p><p> </p><p>with that, he walked out the door, george trailing behind him. george stopped at the door, turning back to face sapnap, arm hovering in the air like he wanted to wave - face twitching like he wanted to smile. wondering if they would ever talk again.</p><p> </p><p>he didn't do any of those things. instead, he just let his shoulders sag and he walked out the door, closing it behind him. leaving sapnap alone.</p><p> </p><p>and he waited.</p><p> </p><p>and when dream came back, he was alone.</p><p> </p><p>"hey," dream said, like everything was normal, except there was an unmistakable tiredness to his voice that... wasn't. he was by the car, which was humming, the engine still revving to go. suitcase by his leg, backpack slung across his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>"hi," sapnap said back. by the doorway, hand on the wood, drumming against it nervously. he bit his lip before saying, "come in?"</p><p> </p><p>"no. um - no thanks." dream was almost awkward, which was surprising. he shifted from foot to foot, mussing up his hair. "sapnap... i'm leaving. this - house, i mean. i don't want to live here anymore."</p><p> </p><p>it took a moment to process, but even when it did, sapnap was surprised at the emptiness in him - the way he didn't feel anything at all. maybe he'd just been through too much, and the emotion part of his brain had shut down like a broken windows computer.</p><p> </p><p>"oh." he should have expected this. it was inevitable, really. "um, that's..." how was he supposed to respond? what was there to say when this was all his fault, the consequences of his own actions? "is this like a break, or...?"</p><p> </p><p>he looked down. "i - i'm breaking up with you, sapnap." the dull pain in sapnap's chest started to sting a little more, but he was still slow to compute. "i'm - i'm sorry. i just don't think we can go back to normal after this. not after you..."</p><p> </p><p>"lied," sapnap finished, the tears starting to pool in his eyes, "and ruined everything."</p><p> </p><p>dream looked sad, but he didn't deny it.</p><p> </p><p>"you know, george said... before he left..." dream scratched at the denim of his pants. "that he probably wasn't going to talk to me for a while. or ever. unless it was an emergency. he said he'd like it... if i left him alone."</p><p> </p><p>ouch.</p><p> </p><p>"it fucking hurt, sapnap." he sighed. "but it's over now. it's over. no use looking back on what's been done, right?" dream adjusted the strap of his backpack on his shoulder once more. "i really did love you, pandas. and i'm sorry."</p><p> </p><p><em>pandas. </em>sapnap remembered how they'd come up with that - a reverse of his name. <em>it's fitting, </em>dream had said, <em>y'know, 'cause you're all cuddly and nice. </em>when they'd been children. when they'd been okay. he'd probably never hear that nickname again.</p><p> </p><p>"i'm really sorry, dream. please just... stay." sapnap was resorting to begging now, because of course he was. he had no dignity left to lose. "i'll make it right. i'll talk to george. i'll make it up to you just please don't... leave me." it sounded pathetic, but it was true. "you're all i have."</p><p> </p><p>"i can't," was all dream replied, like any further explanation would be too painful. or maybe there wasn't any explanation. maybe dream just... didn't love him anymore. not like he used to.</p><p> </p><p>they stared at each other for a good, long moment.</p><p> </p><p>"well... i'll see you around," sapnap said, trying his best not to let the tears in his eyes get too visible. <em>at least let the poor guy leave first before i start bawling.</em></p><p> </p><p>dream shrugged. "maybe not."</p><p> </p><p>with that, he walked away, rounding around to his car, leaving nothing but sapnap and a broken heart behind.</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"hey, sapnap!" someone whispered into his ear, and sapnap jolted, whipping his head around to see dream. "come on! i want to show you something. you promised you'd come."</em>
</p><p> </p><p><em>"you sure?" sapnap said, though he was already letting dream pull him along to wherever they were going. "you know, i'm pretty sure everyone's been wondering where you were. they all want to talk to you, not me." even at the young, young age of fourteen, sapnap was already doubting himself. letting himself believe - that dream was better than him. "no one wants to talk to </em>me<em>."</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>it was okay, though. dream never let him think it for long.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"well, i want to talk to you." he grinned, wide and genuine like always. "because you're my best friend, remember, pandas? even though you're bad at minecraft and your singing's kinda bad." they were climbing the stairs now.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>sapnap didn't know where they were going, but he'd follow dream anywhere. he trusted him. his best friend.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"i'm not bad at singing!" he protested, and dream just laughed. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>soon they were on the balcony - one that sapnap had seen from the outside a thousand times before, but it was different now. he'd never considered how it looked like when he was standing on it, at night, looking out at a sky full of stars and the bright, full moon.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"pretty cool, right?" dream asked, and it had a tinge of excitement to it. he loved sapnap, he did. looking for his approval, for his attention and his affection. sapnap was always happy to provide. dream had always been all he had, and he was okay with that.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>it was dream, after all. not a bad person to be stuck with at all.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"it's amazing." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"i'm happy you like it." dream fluttered, leaning over the metal to stare up at the sky, too. "i come here a lot. not really much during the night, just... whenever i need to think. because i've been thinking a lot."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>not recognising the change in the mood, sapnap scoffed. "oh, so he thinks."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"shut up, asshole!" dream said, pushing sapnap back as the latter laughed again. "no, seriously. i don't know, it's just..." he was back to being serious, hand on his cheek. "i'm still really young, but i already feel... so alone. will this last forever or what? i'm so tired of it."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"of?" sapnap knew it was what dream wanted to hear, what he needed to hear. a cue to keep on talking, so that he wouldn't be annoying. a few things he'd picked up from being his best friend, his one confidant. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"of feeling like the world's against me, i guess. like i'm swimming up a river while the flow's going the opposite way." dream sighed. "i'm not making any sense, am i."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"yeah you aren't," sapnap said, wrapping his hands around dream's, "because if you're feeling alone obviously i'm not a very good friend. frankly, i'm offended."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>at this, dream laughed - it was almost a wheeze, so loud and pure that it made sapnap smile, too. "even if the world decided to go against you for whatever buttfuck reason, i'll be here. it'll be us versus the world. sounds kinda nice, right?"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"mmhmm. just us." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"and you won't ever have to be alone. because i'll be here. and i'll never leave you and you'll never leave me. okay?" dream nodded, eyes tired but his smile more awake then ever. "promise?"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>dream softened, wrapping his arm around sapnap's shoulder.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"i promise."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>— ★</p><p> </p><p>the worst tragedies ended like this.</p><p> </p><p>an empty room, a broken heart. there was dust on the table, and sapnap swept it out. his hand came away grey, but he felt too tired to wash his hands, or even wipe at his pants. he felt too tired to do anything.</p><p> </p><p>there wasn't much left of dream in the house anymore. the place where his laptop used to sit on the desk was gone now, and it felt so weird to see it empty. like some kind of puzzle that needed to be solved and put together, except sapnap'd lost all the pieces.</p><p> </p><p>his heart still beat in his chest like it used to, like it always did. he was still the same old sapnap, with black hair and light grey eyes and a tendency to do everything he wasn't supposed to do. the sun still rise and set - it was setting now, in fact, bathing the room in orange light.</p><p> </p><p>it would have been so much easier if he didn't love dream anymore. if the second dream had driven away, that was it. he was there, and then he wasn't. out of sapnap's life, and out of his heart. but love was never that easy. he knew that.</p><p> </p><p>but why did it hurt so bad? why did it feel like he was bleeding out? he knew love was difficult, but he didn't know it felt like torture.</p><p> </p><p>love wasn't supposed to hurt, was it?</p><p> </p><p>wasn't it supposed to be fluffy and pure and kind? wasn't it all pink hearts and rainbows? why did it have to be this way to sapnap? what did aphrodite have against him, what did he ever do to deserve this?</p><p> </p><p>dream hadn't taken the photo. the one of them, framed, on the table. as kids. dream was smiling, in that way he always did, and sapnap was, too, clinging onto dream's arm like he'd die if he let go. the things they used to be. he wished he could go back in time, do things right.</p><p> </p><p>but there were no do-overs, no time machine he could hop into to fix everything. you could fix what was broken, but not when you didn't even have the shards.</p><p> </p><p>the worst tragedies ended like this. an empty room, a broken heart. the memories of what they used to be, and the faint ghost of what they could've been. what they could've been, but had never been fated for it - what they could've been, but never would be now.</p><p> </p><p>maybe in another life, he'd be luckier. in another life, they'd be okay.</p><p> </p><p>not this one, though.</p><p> </p><p>sapnap closed his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>【☽】</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>look at how my tears ricochet. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>